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  <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906</id>
  <title>krad</title>
  <subtitle>krad</subtitle>
  <author>
    <name>krad</name>
  </author>
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  <updated>2026-04-18T17:54:51Z</updated>
  <dw:journal username="kradeelav" type="personal"/>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:436006</id>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-04-18T13:44:00</title>
    <published>2026-04-18T17:54:51Z</published>
    <updated>2026-04-18T17:54:51Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">my boomer parents are people who would, politely, not be able to sit in the same room with the majority of bsky poasters without several arguments starting (lol)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;but i am &lt;em&gt;so&lt;/em&gt; thankful, increasingly so the last few months - that without fail they're both champions of critical thinking and real 'own your process/stuff/responsibilities' believers versus outsourcing ... everything. finances, computers, cognitive ability, etc.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;just been talking about [current tech events] with them a lot and it's amazing how nuanced/aware of social knock on effects they are once they get to see how the tech works. 'ah, so it can do X kind of graphics that clients are enamored by via these prompts, but the the accuracy of Y, Z is totally off, and struggling to prompt it often takes longer than doing it right to begin with... why would you even bother doing that, then, you have a brain .... '&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;anyway there's a lot of change and uncertainty out there, also in my personal life right now but just, man. it's just nice to know this is one less Thing not to have to step carefully around in this next phase of life.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=436006" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
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  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:435958</id>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-04-15T15:09:00</title>
    <published>2026-04-15T19:15:00Z</published>
    <updated>2026-04-15T19:16:34Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">in happier news:&amp;nbsp;got to personally thank one of the character designers for the old Buzz Lightyear animated show back in the 2000's. :D (He's posting on bsky -- that show genuinely rewrote some of my brain neurons.) &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Reminds me when I&amp;nbsp;got to thank the main dev of SW:Starfighter for his amazing physics engine work when i think he was posting on formspring? ask.fm? (one of those); that game &lt;em&gt;also&lt;/em&gt; made a substantial chunk of my childhood.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i do have to remind myself the internet can be a really cool place sometimes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;(This feels loosely relevant to a blog post i saw recently how all of the writer's favorite commenters actually never &lt;em&gt;commented&lt;/em&gt; and instead sent emails directly to him. Got a chuckle out of that as somebody who sent like, three emails yesterday to webmasters personally thanking them or for similar casual chatting. email is the best social media &amp;lt;3)&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=435958" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:435429</id>
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    <title>aging out</title>
    <published>2026-04-11T22:22:49Z</published>
    <updated>2026-04-11T22:22:49Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>9</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;div style="margin-left: 40px;"&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;@hausofdecline.bsky.social When I was 8, I showed my mom the first Jigglypuff episode of Pok&amp;eacute;mon and she stared at the screen with a Tommy Lee Jones &amp;quot;No Country for Old Men&amp;quot; expression. I didn't understand how she felt right up until the point I saw The Amazing Digital Circus.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;‪&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;@theyoungdoyler.bsky.social‬ I remember so vividly  being in my early 20s, watching gravity falls and having the dawning  realization a few episodes in: &amp;quot;oh I just like this as a kid's cartoon.  it's well made and enjoyable. but I'm not a kid anymore&amp;quot; &lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;It was liberating not feeling that manic fandom drive for the latest sensation&lt;/em&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div&gt;this is kinda a cool if bittersweet phenomenon.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;no shade but i specifically remember feeling this way about homestuck &amp;amp;&amp;nbsp;when vine started becoming popular. realized video was extremely not my Thing, and that hetalia/naruto was really the last mainstream fandom i enjoyed being around &lt;em&gt;as&lt;/em&gt; somebody of that generation. i say hetalia &amp;amp;&amp;nbsp;homestuck because they're both web based media works with very sprawling (and infamous)&amp;nbsp;fandoms, but hetalia felt very livejournal, deviantart, and text-ish, wheras homestuck's fandom was... elsewhere.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;when was y'alls moment of experiencing this?&lt;/div&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=435429" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:435172</id>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-04-10T23:40:00</title>
    <published>2026-04-11T03:41:14Z</published>
    <updated>2026-04-11T03:41:14Z</updated>
    <category term="best of the wild west web"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;div style="margin-top:2px; margin-bottom:-10px;"&gt;&lt;span class="comhead"&gt;&lt;a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=bombcar" class="hnuser"&gt;bombcar&lt;/a&gt;&lt;span class="navs"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;div class="comment"&gt;&lt;div class="commtext c00"&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;The analogies for these things like &amp;quot;hitting a golf ball into a hole in one 5,000 miles away&amp;quot; are always fun.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;I  like starting from the fact that Ptolemy was able to get the accuracy  of the &amp;quot;motions of the heavens&amp;quot; down so well that it took more than a  thousand years to get observations that showed discrepancies. The math,  it maths.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=435172" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:434452</id>
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    <title>2 mgs enthusiasts:</title>
    <published>2026-04-10T01:30:41Z</published>
    <updated>2026-04-10T01:32:59Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>4</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">in my purge spree this past weekend i found a bunch of gamecube games i (a)&amp;nbsp;ordered in the last two years (lol) and (b) never played (double lol). since i am so far behind my FE9 loveblog on tumbr it ain't even funny i figured i might throw one of these in as after-work distraction until my brain can write a long form blog post again (x13).&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;DA QUESTION: I&amp;nbsp;have metal gear solid :&amp;nbsp;twin snakes (gamecube edition)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;tl;dr &lt;strong&gt;is it worth playing / experiencing twin snakes as the OG MGS1 game?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i know most people prefer the PS1 version to superior art direction, voices, etc, but alas while i could &lt;em&gt;likely&lt;/em&gt; emulate it on the steam deck i don't wannaaaa &amp;lt;&amp;nbsp;don't have the brainwidth to set up emulation properly right now).&amp;nbsp; things lowkey going for it:&amp;nbsp;it's a little easier with MGS2 gameplay ( i loved mgs2, and i am so fucking rusty so i will appreciate that lol)&amp;nbsp;plus i play all games on mute / actually prefer the GC controler over every other controller, so that doesn't count.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;if i play this finally large chunks of MGS lore will make sense XD&amp;nbsp;(finished 2&amp;nbsp;&amp;amp;&amp;nbsp;3 on the ps3 in college, and had a blast watching a lets play of 4 from start to finish which was genuinely okay because that one was an honest to god movie &lt;em&gt;anyway&lt;/em&gt;.)&amp;nbsp;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(other games would be the resident evil on gamecube, OG&amp;nbsp;metroid prime which i distinctly remember renting from blockbuster back in high school and never finished (lol). we goin RETRO baybe)&amp;nbsp;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=434452" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:434420</id>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-04-04T15:23:00</title>
    <published>2026-04-04T19:43:01Z</published>
    <updated>2026-04-04T19:43:01Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>3</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">* art wise: doujin's on a good steady momentum. nazine's in the final proofing stages. other work is there when i need to switch gears but not in a stressful way. not likely to add more large projects to my plate this year (other than nagamas). feelsgoodman.jpg&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;* haus wise:&amp;nbsp;starting to purge a lot of old clutter (both digitally and physically)&amp;nbsp;ahead of the end of this year when things will start drastically changing in terms of actually packing things up to move. i have a friend who recently moved to australia who i had a chance to catch up with last week in a friendly chat, and she mentioned most people don't generally need/use 80% of what they have. kinda validating how good/lighter it feels to clean up one's space, and i was already pretty minimal. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;it was also v v cute to lightly tell her about my doujin &amp;lt;3 (she's the one IRL friend mostly aware of what zihark means to me and was so tickled to hear about this project as a cute coincidence of the 20 year anniversary. :&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;work wise: i may have bloodlessly coup'd myself into not only managing &lt;em&gt;both&lt;/em&gt; of my former art directors, but also getting a few more minions. long story short, department's getting a bit of shake-up right now with several folks leaving. (somewhat relatedly, it was p gratifying this past week when i had to tell VP&amp;nbsp;boss 'you don't need to worry about me (&lt;em&gt;imminently&lt;/em&gt; leaving now*), but i need a break, and we need a contractor backup' he responded with 'who do you want and how long do you want them'. dayum. :3 ).&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;((1)&amp;nbsp;not a &lt;em&gt;lie&lt;/em&gt;; i need to have my portfolio site finished first, but it's almost there. (2a)&amp;nbsp;this move into management-of-multiple-IC's looks fun, i want to try it first for a few months. VP knows this and is using it as a carrot. i'm okay with that. (2b) at worst and i still need to bail, i get to add 'managed multiple people' on my resume with a slightly overdue real title bump. (2c) at best, this move &lt;em&gt;successfully&lt;/em&gt; dodges both the AI and layoff** pile of shits and i get more clout to protect my turf from the former (or the ai bubble happens anyway). mission success.)&amp;nbsp;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(**i'm noticing an ongoing layoff wave of 'delete IC's' across multiple industries. concerning.) &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;anyway, chilling in my lil' corner, continuing to organize &amp;amp; trim things here and there &amp;amp; shaping where i want to go for the next few years in a way that hopefully keeps me unbothered.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=434420" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:433745</id>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-31T12:20:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-31T16:22:20Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-31T16:22:20Z</updated>
    <category term="corporateville"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>2</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">nothing like getting a (metaphorical)&amp;nbsp;haiku keysmash gibberish request from your VP boss who's overseas and having to &lt;em&gt;translate&lt;/em&gt; the dang thing in addition to doing the thing. seriously it was in separate half sentences and everything.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i swear the further up one goes the corporate food chain the worse their typing skills are. :p&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=433745" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:433581</id>
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    <title>frank e peretti but heretical yaoi yumejoshi cosmic horror</title>
    <published>2026-03-31T00:28:58Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-31T00:28:58Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>2</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">i had the &lt;em&gt;weirdest&lt;/em&gt; dream last night of reading this really baller book &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;and the plot's fuzzy, some kind of 'we need to get to the root of this cosmic horror situation' but there was this human who was talking to his brother(?)/lover about how to solve this shit, and then the &lt;em&gt;instant&lt;/em&gt; he mentioned this plan of ingesting this Artifact that merged all human consciousness, the written POV switched from &amp;quot;he&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;to &amp;quot;you&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;as in &amp;quot;you the reader&amp;quot; that had been Subsumed By The Artefact just by continuing to read on.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;like it sucks ass here in the daylight, but in the dream was done in a technical way that was &lt;em&gt;entirely&lt;/em&gt; too convincing&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;and dude&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i literally woke up going holy shiT THAT IS THE BEST PLOT TWIST EVER EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS (cue frank e peretti but heretical yaoi yumejoshi cosmic horror comment)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;???? &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(&lt;em&gt;has&lt;/em&gt; that kind of thing ever been done?)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;this weighted blanket is giving me some weirdass dreams and i kinda love it ngl&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=433581" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:433179</id>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-29T22:03:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-30T02:04:00Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-30T02:04:00Z</updated>
    <category term="awareness"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;div class="post-content"&gt;&lt;div class="reblog-list"&gt;&lt;div class="post-reblog-trail-item u-repost-of h-cite original-reblog-content"&gt;&lt;div class="post-reblog-header p-author h-card"&gt;&lt;div class="post-avatar"&gt;&lt;div class="post-avatar-wrapper"&gt;via &lt;a target="_blank" class="post-tumblelog-name u-url p-name" href="https://wildgifthorses.tumblr.com/post/812444082322407424"&gt;wildgifthorses&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;                                                                 &lt;div class="post-reblog-content"&gt;&lt;div class="post-body e-content"&gt;&lt;p style="margin-left: 40px;"&gt;&lt;em&gt;FWIW  I think that of all the reasons mass surveillance is bad, misuse and  corruption are really only incidental and don't get to the heart of the  problem. The problem is that the law as written encodes a very specific  vision of the good and it's only through spotty enforcement that we have  a meaningfully free society. In a world with perfect, universal  surveillance, no one in the US would ever be able to drop acid, arrange a  physical fight, pirate movies, sext or watch porn in high school, drink  in their first two years of college, visit a graveyard at night, access  HRT without a doctor's note, etc. Maybe you think some of these things  are good and some of them are bad, but notably, moral progress has  happened in the past in our society (on marijuana, homosexuality, etc.)  because there were long-standing communities of practice engaged in  illegal activities who could vouch for that way of life, which is a  process that becomes outright impossible with universal, effective  surveillance and interpretation of communications.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;This isn't  really a democratic vs. anti-democratic issue because even a widespread  social consensus can be wrong in such a way that experiments with  violating it existing at all even if highly marginalized is ultimately to the good.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;I  guess if I was a moral realist and thought that any rational being will  inevitably converge to my preferences I wouldn't be worried, but I'm  not, which is why I believe in liberalism, which is to say the existence  of a free society, and even if it maintains the forms of &amp;quot;liberalism&amp;quot; a  society with effective universal surveillance is not meaningfully free,  and the closer it gets to that state the less free it becomes.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=433179" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:432919</id>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-27T16:09:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-27T20:35:03Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-27T20:35:03Z</updated>
    <category term="gamedev"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>2</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">i've spent the last day slowly figuring out the scope of what i want in this next project with gamedev....&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;see, it's always been a dream of mine to recreate tellius as a walkable 3D world. i like that world and characters, and think it'd be Neat. it's safe to say after twenty years i doubt i'll get bored with it anytime soon, so the low-level consistent drive is certinally there. but actually taking a stab at this does several additional things:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;forces me to learn blender beyond 'pick a video to do one small thing, flail a bit with copying it, and giving up out of boredom'.&amp;nbsp; 3D modeling is one of the last frontiers creatively that i had been intimidated by, and this would create a consistent positive cycle with lots of mini-goals to tinker with, while not having to come up with ideas from scratch.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;obviously this wouldn't be sell-able in any way given the IP, but giving the game files to tellius old heads to have fun with would be cute. :)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;* lowkey honest to god great reference for future tellius doujinshi/drawings..... &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;anyway - &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;finding&amp;nbsp;PoR/RD's high res textures was an &lt;em&gt;incredible&lt;/em&gt; boon because the bottleneck of most games is the sheer amount of assets needed, even if you're an artist. i like painting textures, but i was not looking forward to having to recreate .... everything.... this also lets me put in placeholders with fairly little effort as well as seamlessly matching the world i'd want to recreate.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;nbsp;i'm actually considering using &lt;a href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/218861.html"&gt;blockbench again&lt;/a&gt; for the initial wave  of modeling because i had about a month or two genuinely having fun with  it creating basic low poly work and painting my own textures to the  point i made a walk cycle for one character and a basic environment with fairly little  difficulty (this was right before gunter ate my brain in 2023 or so). perhaps working  in that program there briefly could stretch those muscles again before attempting  blender...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;* in terms of NPC and general graphic complexity, i'd be happy with a majora's mask equivalent. this isn't no 'recreate elden ring/skyrim' scope creep. majora's mask felt dense and lived in, but &amp;quot;basic&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;enough with polygons and gameplay it won't eat my computer alive lol.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;of course, since this kind of thing invites dreaming, the pie in the sky ideas my brain was running wild with last night:&amp;nbsp;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;what if a wyvern delivery service mini game that unlocks fast travel. creating crude weather systems (so a wyvern flight isn't a boring direct line between A and B)&amp;nbsp;where there's a chance of lightning bolts to OHKO a wyvern, or a tornado like gust to likewise OHKO a pegasus (nodding to their weakness of lightning/wind reciprocally.)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;in terms of &amp;quot;filling up&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;the towns with characters we know, i was wondering if there'd be a cool system where there'd be a % chance makalov could be at any tavern in begnion, volke could have a lower % at any one in the continent in &lt;em&gt;general&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;what if bright eyes gets a whole special combat system where you're &lt;em&gt;encouraged&lt;/em&gt; to take damage to regenerate/counterattack. friendly to newcomers but also has a weird skill learning curve. (this is also making me think how cool would it be to incorporate my &lt;a href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/220345.html"&gt;ashera's tower survival horror game idea&lt;/a&gt;.)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=432919" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:432830</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/432830.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/data/atom/?itemid=432830"/>
    <title>a story in four Poasts</title>
    <published>2026-03-27T00:44:41Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-27T20:09:54Z</updated>
    <category term="fe"/>
    <category term="gamedev"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;strong&gt;Act I&amp;nbsp;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;gt; you know what would make me &lt;em&gt;actually&lt;/em&gt; learn blender.  &lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt; recreating all of tellius as a low poly walkable terrain/game  &lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;gt; krad, n o .   &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(dw i'm not seriously considering this)  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(.......................................yet)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Act II&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;honestly if i get ahold of the PoR/RD HD textures floating around out there made by a kind soul that's half the hard work done.... and would be more faithful to the style...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;^ is a liar and considering this more than i should&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Act III&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;heh heh. heh heh heh heh ~  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/file/261961.png" width="469" height="472" alt="" /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(context:&amp;nbsp;actual PoR texture deconverted from a dds file in the HD texture pack. i'm almost positive this is the terrain texture for nasir's ship.)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Act IV&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i legit became a senior design manager / published comicker off of sheer FE9 blorbo dedication for the last twenty years, it honestly would not surprise me in the slightest if gamedev somehow became the next skill tree for the next ten, l o l&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;~ postscript ~&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;as surprised/excited as i was about this, i'm not seriously going to do anything other than slowly deconverting files until after the doujin is done late this year because the momentum's already gotten me almost halfway through it. however, &lt;em&gt;after&lt;/em&gt; the doujin's done... i think i found my next large project. :3c&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=432830" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:432398</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/432398.html"/>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-26T11:23:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-26T15:35:07Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-26T15:38:00Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>2</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">thinking a lot about atlantis:&amp;nbsp;the lost empire (animated) movie lately again :&amp;nbsp;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;a)&amp;nbsp;that scene when the gang shows their &amp;quot;&amp;quot;true colors&amp;quot;&amp;quot; to milo (thankfully temporary) and he's going 'wtf are you DOING (ransacking a living city/doing a colonialism' and they're like 'money.' not particularly happy about it, not particularly sad about it, not particularly angsty. (we've spent the past hour getting to know them and their complicated lives before being mercenaries, the context should probably be said they're &lt;em&gt;all&lt;/em&gt; quietly minorities who had to figure out how to make ends meet because the world kinda sucks like that.)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;like. man. idk if disney could ever get that Real about it again. i feel like modern disney would either straight up not have that scene or go the other direction and do an awful whole guilt-trip-the-audience flashback sequence to pull on the heartstrings for Le Characturrr Engagement points &lt;strike&gt;when that lowkey kinda sabotages the point of Not being complicit etc.&lt;/strike&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;b) how almost weird it is that rourke for being such a bad/awesome villain, white colonialist edition, actually treated said team with like. &lt;em&gt;genuine&lt;/em&gt; basic respect for their competency. very much a 'nothing personal' guy after money. damn he's refreshingly honest, other than the, you know, sacking the city.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strike&gt;i had/have such a horrible crush on rourke you don't even know. yes i have &lt;em&gt;terrible&lt;/em&gt; taste in fictional dudes. :p&lt;/strike&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;it had its issues but man what a kickass movie. i would watch it again if i wasn't specifically trying this year NOT to rewatch everything again (other than this tellius playthrough)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=432398" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:432312</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/432312.html"/>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-25T16:00:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-25T20:02:40Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-25T20:02:40Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">reading up on rap history and i'm really endeared at the connection i'm seeing between rap handles &amp;amp;&amp;nbsp;hacker handles &amp;amp;&amp;nbsp;drag performer names. something about names that reflect one's &lt;em&gt;chosen&lt;/em&gt; performance back at society. deftly slipping out of the constricting noose of given names to play tricks on society and bestowin' upon them art with a wink.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=432312" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:431901</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/431901.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/data/atom/?itemid=431901"/>
    <title>march link roundup</title>
    <published>2026-03-23T21:53:47Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-23T21:53:47Z</updated>
    <category term="best of the wild west web"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">* &lt;a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quLa6kzzra0"&gt;crazy xbone hardening / hacking talk to listen to&lt;/a&gt; ... &lt;em&gt;so&lt;/em&gt; much of the tech stack went over my head but i had an awesome time listening to this at a work lunch break. i'm a lil' more familiar with the &amp;quot;red team&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;circles here but the amount of detail it takes to harden a machine in &amp;quot;assumed&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;malicious hands is awe inspiring.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="https://vmfunc.re/blog/persona-2"&gt;persona (former discord ID contractor)&amp;nbsp;surveilance whistleblower&lt;/a&gt; has an interesting writeup of the fallout of the leak. also interesting to see how the various players &lt;em&gt;handled&lt;/em&gt; said fallout, whether poorly or decently.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="https://www.tumblr.com/weaselle/808220643129802752?source=share"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;span&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.tumblr.com/weaselle/808220643129802752?source=share"&gt;&amp;quot;the biggest difference between a dog and a wolf is the way they look at you.&amp;quot;&lt;/a&gt; cool af blog post musing.&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;technically a gaming issue but a very very thoughtful rundown / experience &lt;a href="https://gamehistory.org/cookies-bustle/"&gt;on what it was like to face a copyright troll (and win) &lt;br /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://gamehistory.org/cookies-bustle/"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;*&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="https://bsky.app/profile/publiusmaximus.bsky.social/post/3mdtoogy4522e"&gt;ez android adblocker&lt;/a&gt; without having to download any extra apps/stuff (been using it for the last few weeks)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="https://delphi.tools/"&gt;https://delphi.tools/&lt;/a&gt; neat grab bag of common tools every machine/designer should have; says they're privacy focused. file converter software, background remover, vectorizer, gradient generator, etc.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=431901" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:431739</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/431739.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/data/atom/?itemid=431739"/>
    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-19T19:11:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-19T23:17:33Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-19T23:17:33Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>4</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&amp;gt; mom and i are casually checking out the eventual-new-town's volunteer/events list in their local newspaper&lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;sees that the public library has an animanga game night&lt;br /&gt;YESSS.jpg &lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt; looks closer and sees it's only for teenagers lol&lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;IT'SJOVER&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;mom, sympathetically:&amp;nbsp;you could set up one for adults :D&lt;br /&gt;(note she is the &lt;em&gt;furthest&lt;/em&gt; thing from a gamer. but views it as more 'ok if it makes you happy and keeps you out of trouble...')&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;literally, though. i gotta recreate my college smash melee tournament nights!!!!!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;it &lt;em&gt;would&lt;/em&gt; be kind of slightly funny to crash the teenage event for a night. :p rolling up with a literal working gamecube plus 4 controllers a la 'how do you do fellow kids'. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=431739" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:431514</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/431514.html"/>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-18T23:13:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-19T03:18:18Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-19T03:18:18Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">in terms of dA-era sexymen, i feel like sephiroth walked so emet-selch could run, in a lot of ways.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i'm not going to pit two bad bitches against each other even when i have a personal favorite of the two, but it's curious and a bit endearing to see emet's &lt;em&gt;longevity&lt;/em&gt; and particular devotion he inspires especially in an era where i feel like fandoms cycle in and cycle out in a blink of an eye.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(caveat i'm unlikely to play future FF's especially that one because of MMO&amp;nbsp;mechanics, but i do enjoy the pretty boy to elder queen fanart pipeline as one does.)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=431514" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:430940</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/430940.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/data/atom/?itemid=430940"/>
    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-14T13:47:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-14T18:06:34Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-14T18:06:34Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>6</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">having so many anniversaries this year and so many art projects coming out this month is making me idly wonder what the hell my reputation is online with this handle, lol...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;especially tricky to guess at because - attempting to look at myself from how i act online - the &lt;em&gt;one&lt;/em&gt; &amp;quot;constant&amp;quot; is refusing to be put in a box, ha. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;specifically in art circles there's been a growing physical separation in terms of the more mainstream &amp;amp;&amp;nbsp;palatable versus the seedier, sharper, &amp;quot;guilty pleasure&amp;quot; (crack, selfship, 4chan shitpost humor, whatever) and outright kinky works; maybe i was young enough on dA i didn't see it then but from what i remember it was all mashed up in the same place there. regardless if it's original works or fanwork circles, doesn't matter, it's a pretty sharp divide now, and i do get the vague sense of having one foot in both (mainstream reputation probably borrowed from my iron crown days, and generally more tame fanwork posts).&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;reputation here being in types of artwork, actions, and general &amp;quot;vibe&amp;quot;. i def flip flop inconsistently between said mainstream work and the occasional wiggy as hell &amp;quot;bomb&amp;quot;; part of it truly just depends on whatever i'm in the mood to finish that day, part of it is slightly intentional &amp;quot;rent lowering firing a gun&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;so i don't get too known for one Thing and be put back in a box.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i don't go actively looking for what people say; it's really none of my business (and they have the right to say whatever). what i do sometimes see is the kind of activity on posts that suggests they're being passed around on discord servers (totally cool). i know some folks dislike me (i'm sure i've earned some of it...), but also probably because being annoyingly loud for defending lolisho for so long even when it was more of a third rail controversial topic (and something i don't usually draw). def know i read as intimidating/reserved at neutral, lol, my ex mentioned it a few times. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;it's funny to be a known entity, especially how i never intended this handle to be anything but an anonymous escape. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=430940" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:430793</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/430793.html"/>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-13T21:36:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-14T01:42:15Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-14T01:42:15Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">a lot of days i think it's befuddling that as much as of a longstanding, deep closet misanthrope as i am &amp;amp;&amp;nbsp;general people resenter (not &lt;em&gt;at&lt;/em&gt; any of you specifically, just. society.....), there seems to be some more of a half-vague notion of &lt;em&gt;duty&lt;/em&gt; to humanity than uh. some other folks going by their actions.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;'i don't even &lt;em&gt;like&lt;/em&gt; any of you but come on, have the notion of not breaking anybody else's toy. fix things so that somebody else who enjoys their life more can &lt;em&gt;actually&lt;/em&gt; enjoy it.' kind of thing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(this is unnecessarily grumpy imo but it &lt;em&gt;does&lt;/em&gt; keep running through my brain so tossing it out there to hopefully be done with it.)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=430793" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:430343</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/430343.html"/>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-12T16:38:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-12T20:47:11Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-12T20:47:11Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>2</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">for somebody who technically actually failed out of a summer online course (pre covid)&amp;nbsp;and had &lt;em&gt;horrible&lt;/em&gt; executive dysfunction for certian kinds of tasks for half of my life i am &lt;em&gt;shockingly&lt;/em&gt; good at project management now. (have had multiple senior operations/PMO's mention to me they love working with me as a designer because i don't need any handholding lol).&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;half saying this as encouragement that it's a skill that *can*&amp;nbsp;be learned, whether you're neurodivergent or not. so much of this is slowly figuring out the patterns your brain responds best to and iterating accordingly. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=430343" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:430247</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/430247.html"/>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-11T17:08:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-11T21:14:06Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-11T21:14:26Z</updated>
    <category term="censorship"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;[ crossposted from &lt;/span&gt;&lt;a href="https://bsky.app/profile/ecrnews.bsky.social"&gt;&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;erocreativeresources.org&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;span style="font-size: smaller;"&gt;'s news page; can verify everything here is accurate. &amp;quot;reputational risk&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;here is critical as kink/ero artists because it's been the lever that various payment processors &amp;amp;&amp;nbsp;credit card companies have been using to cut transfer of funds, including on a banking and institutional level even and &lt;strong&gt;especially&lt;/strong&gt; when said ero/kink material is legal. ]&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;The Federal Reserve System (Board) is inviting public comment on new  guidelines in regard to debanking of persons &amp;amp; orgs regarding lawful  business activities perceived to present reputation risk.  Comments due by April 27, 2026.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2026/02/26/2026-03818/prohibition-on-use-of-reputation-risk-or-other-supervisory-tools-to-encourage-or-compel-banking"&gt;https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2026/02/26/2026-03818/prohibition-on-use-of-reputation-risk-or-other-supervisory-tools-to-encourage-or-compel-banking&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;[ECR is] in direct communication with the Free Speech Coalition, a sex  worker trade association combating overreach of debanking &amp;amp; porn  laws.   tl;dr - &lt;strong&gt;YES it's a good idea to comment on this as ero creatives. &lt;/strong&gt;the  FSC is also submitting a comment.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;Summarized advice from the FSC (from their lobbyists) was that you  should tell your story/explain why the issue is important to you, and &amp;ndash;  most importantly &amp;ndash; clearly say what you want the Fed to do about it. In  this case, eliminating &amp;quot;reputation risk&amp;quot; from the Board's supervisory  programs.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;gt;&amp;gt;&amp;nbsp;(additional advice on formatting comments (via &lt;a href="https://bsky.app/profile/dieselbrain.bsky.social/post/3mgsooljw6s2t"&gt;dieselbrain&lt;/a&gt;)&amp;nbsp;(PDF warning)&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="https://www.regulations.gov/assets/files/Public-Comment-on-Federal-Regulations_Final.pdf"&gt;https://www.regulations.gov/assets/files/Public-Comment-on-Federal-Regulations_Final.pdf&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=430247" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:429761</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/429761.html"/>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-10T21:13:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-11T01:30:33Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-11T01:30:33Z</updated>
    <category term="readin' and roastin'"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>2</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">i don't have the brainwidth to do a long review, but james baldwin's 'no name in the street' was. &lt;em&gt;gripping&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;it was my first introduction to his work, and it won't be the last. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;what grabbed me first: the deep and quiet alienation. i described to the doujin group that he feels like a self-aware/self described quote unquote traitor to so many groups (not out of a lack of a moral compass, just by how the chips fell with being thrust in the spotlight by fate, and by holding onto his sincerity at the cost of being quietly left out on the shore by various tribes.)&amp;nbsp; i ... don't ever think i've seen a writer accurately capture how that feels before him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;what grabbed me second:&amp;nbsp;i don't ever think i've seen a writer hold such (tight! well defended!)&amp;nbsp;intellectual cynicism and yet a genuine &lt;em&gt;dignity&lt;/em&gt; for all life in the same hand as dexterously as he does. he has earned grievances to be sure. but too many intellectual-heavy authors i get a sour note of contempt at &lt;em&gt;some&lt;/em&gt; form of otherness-in-their-mind whether it be queers, children, or the disabled or what have you. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;not from him. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;anyway if you were a fan of malcom x (the autobiography) and its prose/history mix, even more of a reason to read it. for such a &lt;em&gt;heavy&lt;/em&gt; read on the civil rights era the prose itself made you want to tear through it to hear more of what he had to say.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=429761" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:429128</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/429128.html"/>
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    <title>ok but *why* does the body have to keep a score lol</title>
    <published>2026-03-08T19:27:22Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-08T19:28:33Z</updated>
    <category term="krad.txt"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">despite me being the one that's usually freezing in my family, the last year i've started being like a &lt;em&gt;furnace&lt;/em&gt; temperature-wise; most likely culprit is perimenopause (which my mom is lol'ing sympathetically at :p )&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;anyway, recently been experimenting with setups to sleep more comfortably at night and man, one of those standing floor fans/moving air in general does &lt;em&gt;not&lt;/em&gt; work for me. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;it was pretty wild last night to point the fan in my general area on max blast and realize 30 seconds later i was shockingly tensed up, even under the covers. tried pointing it in a different corner, on the lowest volume; still tensed up especially when i felt the moving air even just on my face. the &lt;em&gt;temperature&lt;/em&gt; itself was great but the moving air set all of the stress radars off.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;(and then i remembered what it was reminding me of; operating rooms always go extra-hard on moving air around, and the forced air &amp;quot;up&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp;at my face while lying flat was enough of bad memory-ju-ju with oxygen masks that there was absolutely no way i was going to sleep.)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i'm glad to know that &lt;em&gt;now&lt;/em&gt;, but it was kind of a 'huh neat/weird how the body really does remember shit even decades later.'&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i think i'll try a &lt;a href="https://bearaby.com/products/tree-napper"&gt;cooling weighted blanket&lt;/a&gt; next... part of my issue is i looooove ten thousand blankets on top of me so i wonder if this will kill two birds with one stone... wish me luck.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=429128" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:429007</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/429007.html"/>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-08T00:20:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-08T05:20:49Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-08T05:20:49Z</updated>
    <category term="quotes"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;em&gt;&amp;ldquo;Love him,&amp;rsquo; said Jacques, with vehemence, &amp;lsquo;love him and let him love  you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters? And how  long, at the best, can it last, since you are both men and still have  everywhere to go? Only five minutes, I assure you, only five minutes,  and most of that, helas! in the dark. And if you think of them as  dirty, then they will be dirty&amp;mdash; they will be dirty because you will be  giving nothing, you will be despising your flesh and his. But you can  make your time together anything but dirty, you can give each other  something which will make both of you better&amp;mdash;forever&amp;mdash;if you will not be ashamed, if you will only not  play it safe.&amp;rsquo; He paused, watching me, and then looked down to his  cognac. &amp;lsquo;You play it safe long enough,&amp;rsquo; he said, in a different tone,  &amp;lsquo;and you&amp;rsquo;ll end up trapped in your own dirty body, forever and forever  and forever&amp;mdash;like me.&amp;rdquo;     &lt;/em&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;   ―   &lt;span class="authorOrTitle"&gt;     James Baldwin,   &lt;/span&gt;     &lt;span&gt;       &lt;a class="authorOrTitle" href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/814207"&gt;Giovanni&amp;rsquo;s Room&lt;/a&gt;     &lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=429007" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:428607</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/428607.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://kradeelav.dreamwidth.org/data/atom/?itemid=428607"/>
    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-06T21:36:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-07T02:37:50Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-07T02:37:50Z</updated>
    <category term="quotes"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;em&gt;&lt;span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Charis; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: justify; text-indent: 24px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial; display: inline !important; float: none;"&gt;&amp;quot;Incontestably, alas, most people are not, in&lt;span&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/span&gt;action, worth very much; and yet, every human being is an unprecedented miracle. One tries to treat them as the miracles they are, while trying to protect oneself against the disasters they&amp;rsquo;ve become. This is not very different from the act of faith demanded by all those marches and petitions while Martin [Luther King] was still alive.&amp;quot;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Charis; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: justify; text-indent: 24px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial; display: inline !important; float: none;"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;- &lt;/em&gt;James Baldwin,&lt;em&gt; No Name In The Street&lt;/em&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=428607" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2014-11-26:2347906:428517</id>
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    <title>kradeelav @ 2026-03-06T15:51:00</title>
    <published>2026-03-06T20:52:48Z</published>
    <updated>2026-03-06T20:52:48Z</updated>
    <category term="quotes"/>
    <category term="awareness"/>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;em&gt;God, grant me the serenity&lt;br /&gt; to accept the things I cannot change&lt;br /&gt; the courage to change the things I can&lt;br /&gt; and the wisdom to know the difference.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;br /&gt;- (part of the)&amp;nbsp;Serenity Prayer&lt;br /&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;mdash;Reinhold Niebuhr, 1892-1971&lt;/p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=kradeelav&amp;ditemid=428517" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
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