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tempural created, and a few others have been doing this delightful meme of reminiscing about baby's first ships, and I've loved reading every one, and was naturally thinking of what yours truly would fill it up with.
didn't matter what orientation, ships just didn't ring my bell quite like individuals did - other than kakasaku and snape/hermione (which are already a distant stretch), i'd be struggling hardcore to fill up a list of 3, much less ten. alucard/integra was the only one that I genuinely had feelings for.
but characters? oh yeah. ssso: top ten fictional characters wee!krad had a serious crush on (not in order)
(edit:tempural made this absolutely lovely banner to go with this as an alternative :D )
so here's the thing. he's an odd case where physically, sure he fits krad's type but after RPing as him for 10+ years and being in that RPer brain, he's way too much like me that it'd be ... incestuous in an odd way that just glitches me out? it's not a squick as much as is 'can't compute', you know? very often i feel my soul is genuinely more of a cranky bitter sixty year old man who likes his gun and dog-creature better than people but only has that smiling mask for meatbags in one hand, and a knife in the other.
half exception #2: alucard
I wavered between including adding him on this list or not. yes there's a little of the ol 'kickstarted krad's id' similar to sephiroth given how flagrantly sexual hellsing as a whole is, but at that point I was old enough to ... hm. he didn't hit the exact same way. fun to draw being an absolute derpy fetishy trainwreck with a hard-on for guns and oblivion, but also honestly a lot like vau in the sense that he's too much like me. a certain somebody else had already colonized my brain, and between that and seeing alucard as part and parcel of something very interesting and untanglable with integra - if anything he wins the trophy for cementing the understanding that power dynamics and the id went a long way in how I understand loyalty, affection, and service.
the king of them all: zihark
i aaaah. already talk about him too much and wanted to let some others have their moment in the limelight x) but he'd be the last and greatest one here, and I'd be remiss in not mentioning him.
tempural created, and a few others have been doing this delightful meme of reminiscing about baby's first ships, and I've loved reading every one, and was naturally thinking of what yours truly would fill it up with. didn't matter what orientation, ships just didn't ring my bell quite like individuals did - other than kakasaku and snape/hermione (which are already a distant stretch), i'd be struggling hardcore to fill up a list of 3, much less ten. alucard/integra was the only one that I genuinely had feelings for.
but characters? oh yeah. ssso: top ten fictional characters wee!krad had a serious crush on (not in order)
(edit:
tempural made this absolutely lovely banner to go with this as an alternative :D )- buzz lightyear: THIS GUY started it all, I swear. there are some absolutely hilarious but frankly embarrassing stories that my elementary best friend knows here, likewise he was a bit of an inside joke in my earliest online circles. he's endearing! there's something to his arc in TS/TS2 that hit me differently than most "hero" characters; he's repeatedly flawed and arrogant and insecure in a way that not many of them get to be. he knows he's second fiddle to Woody and an outsider but doesn't resent him (or the others) for that after the initial come-to-jesus. the animated movie from the early 2000's is also unironically a masterpiece as there's so many quoteable lines with a lot of the characters showing self awareness and pride being the villains. (special shout-out to NOS4A2 from the only TV series that exists who made me feel tingly in the bits in the ol' handshake with robofuckers way). also i like men with a little bit of chin, just saying. :P
- the fetts (+the helmet stays on). there was a long period of time when I was deep into SW:EU bounty hunter lore. weird grimy odd old men and aliens and killer robots who wouldn't look out of place at a bdsm club who also didn't give a shit about others other than survival and money. there was this trilogy in particular that was a gritty story meshed with the medical body horror hell that boba survived after the sarlacc pit that dinged all of baby!krad's bells. very needful in an incisive, visceral way. I say "crush" here in the sense of fascination; eu!mandalorian armor was and is still beautiful, and overlaps that brain-space of "wearing the armor of your enemies is more honest than the skin you were born with" that leather is for me. vau was definitely the continuation here; more on that in the end. in addition, there's an old joke in a server with friends about the term 'competence kink' that absolutely goes here.
- sephiroth - this guy was the one that started the unwavering thirst for long-haired bishies in leather :D I was telling a server with some of you (hi) how I didn't get a chance to play the OG FF7 until well after college/started working, but that sure didn't stop teen!krad from collecting every good print of the bad man, as well as the figurines. and keychains. and copies of FF7AC. and chasing down cosplayers at conventions, ahem. there is a very particular vein of lust that a crazed tween-fangirl is prone to, and boy I had it bad for him for a while - it wasn't even about the character as much as it was the Awakening. (though he's genuinely cool as a character though completely different than what I expected, I wrote a little about that in my FF7 loveblog).
- aurra sing - 'krad likes women too' wasn't a realization that was anywhere near close to hitting for like a decade and a half, but I was obsessed over her for a period of time that, in hindsight, is one long obvious 'hmm' moment. did you know she had a frankly gorgeous 12in doll version of her that came with a bunch of rare eu trivia and merch? listen I guarded that shit more than my life. another one of those bounty hunters that wouldn't look out of place at a bdsm club, but one of the rare gurls that wasn't particularly defanged. if it came out she was designed with a lesbian's input, I wouldn't be too surprised, is all I'm saying.
- hans landa - look, i'm not proud of this one, lol, but inglorious basterds sure introduced a segment of the 2010's internet to uniform fetish especially paired with the swaggering brauvado. this and hellsing which came a little later (and the uniform-fetish club i moderated for a long while) was the definitive one-two-three punch that kicked a goodly side of me into being a bootfucker, (after feeling guilty about it for a few years in between then and now).
- kakashi - in hindsight, kakashi is right at that inflection point when I was starting to trade my thirst for bishies for older grumpy men x) naruto was at it's height on dA, and while I thought itachi was cute, kakashi was just one of those that felt part and parcel of what made me click at that time. weighed down a little by the sins of his past, easy on the eyes with scars, a good man at his core (but wouldn't think so) and didn't particularly feel the need to be presentable what with his nose in porn books all the time (a big mood, my dude).
- petrine - very much in the spirit of aurra sing where the attraction hit differently at that time, but I can say with all honesty my girlfriend thinks it's hilarious how similar she is to petrine ngl. x) there was something different about her than the other fire emblem villains - she was remarkably well-written and prominent in the favorite game of all time what with being a relentless fearsome shadow to the protagonists. and yet, it's very obvious she was designed by ladies - there's something to her armor that's biting and yet restrained. flamboyant, but not gushy over the viewer.
- oni link - this one's kind of an oddball where I just thought he was really really cool. the ol' sexual awakening hadn't hit yet but it's a little funny to me how similar he is to sephiroth in some ways visually. something about slightly secret/hidden characters in an already terribly odd and dreamlike game (majora's mask) affected me in ways very few things did. the majora's mask side-story manga also had not a small hand in fostering this fondness. not that he's straightforwardly link as a villainous character but in hindsight, I see a big vein of 'human behind the mask doesn't particularly want to be the human part' with a lot of these characters.
so here's the thing. he's an odd case where physically, sure he fits krad's type but after RPing as him for 10+ years and being in that RPer brain, he's way too much like me that it'd be ... incestuous in an odd way that just glitches me out? it's not a squick as much as is 'can't compute', you know? very often i feel my soul is genuinely more of a cranky bitter sixty year old man who likes his gun and dog-creature better than people but only has that smiling mask for meatbags in one hand, and a knife in the other.
half exception #2: alucard
I wavered between including adding him on this list or not. yes there's a little of the ol 'kickstarted krad's id' similar to sephiroth given how flagrantly sexual hellsing as a whole is, but at that point I was old enough to ... hm. he didn't hit the exact same way. fun to draw being an absolute derpy fetishy trainwreck with a hard-on for guns and oblivion, but also honestly a lot like vau in the sense that he's too much like me. a certain somebody else had already colonized my brain, and between that and seeing alucard as part and parcel of something very interesting and untanglable with integra - if anything he wins the trophy for cementing the understanding that power dynamics and the id went a long way in how I understand loyalty, affection, and service.
the king of them all: zihark
i aaaah. already talk about him too much and wanted to let some others have their moment in the limelight x) but he'd be the last and greatest one here, and I'd be remiss in not mentioning him.
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the fetts are so interesting in a way that sort of almost supersedes SW as a whole, aren't they? almost to being mythological characters where you can spin fables about them and it'd still click in some fun ways. I can see how they'd resonate with you as well.