krad

* jr doyle's "voidcall" is a  FFXIV doujinshi i've been looking forward to for a few months, and it doesn't disappoint. luxurious inks, gripping, stoic, solid story.

* i've always had a fondness for the specific look disney renaissance era films and the color grading; this essay goes into an unusual amount of detail about the topic (as well as with pixar films).

* in the words of a spook: "openinframap is cool if you’re an infrastructure nerd and scary if you’re a security professional."

* i draw a lot of fantasy comics; 'how to build a medieval castle' and its pictures is such a nice reference for castle-living and what it must have been like, since there's surprisingly scarce resources.

* rest in peace, margaret hamilton - and a fascinating interview from her about her most famous quote.

* pinlite is a pinterest stripped of all of the login-walls and ads; just the pins. was a bit surreal to be able to see some of my old art for certian characters there. 

* this guy's blog is probably the best manager reading material i've seen yet; there's a sense of matured honesty, integrity, and competence I really like. this essay of his is also good. while not managerial topics, the first essay i read (and strongly agreed with) was this one.

* a really touching retrospective on notable trans photographer loren rex cameron. (via misc)

saw this beaut while attempting to touch grass more ~

something i've really enjoyed doing in the last year or so is excessively cutting wayyyyy back on my "default" of where i scroll or what i sign up for (fandom/creative wise), or even material Stuff (aka the ongoing book purge spree). like what do I "stuff" the crevices of my bandwidth like asbestos insulation between the walls of the house

cut cut cut that

and then cut more until i actually finally get bored again. (bored enough to actually get ahead of my to do list, for once!) but essentially bored enough that i start looking around at the world again.

a lot of my current defaults were simply there out of accumulation in the past twenty years, and it's a good way of auditing, intentionally re-assessing sites, clothes, books, etc versus just reaching for the same five shirts over again. chainsawing through the general "noise" that is modern life mixed with social media.  for example, i've recently found i deeply enjoy collecting tellius doujin (which in hindsight makes sense if it's a 20 year long fandom) versus just random art books that are Pretty but previous to this year; it just truly never occurred to me to even start looking for it. generally these days i need a really solid reason to do, post, or buy [x] thing.

but it's not only that -  i find i actually have way more fun seeking out stuff when bored. like the above makes me actually hungry to seek out stuff again? i feel lean, in a good way. clearheaded. purposeful, at least, when i do reach out methodically for something.

it's removing the noise, i think, that does that. i know i harp on this constantly but i remember back in the early 00's it was actually rare to stumble on something that was both high quality and delightfully nerdy/outsider-creative-work.  and by forcefully (maybe artificially?) reducing that noise it's creating an environment vaguely more like the days of yore where the lack of choice or carefully metered internet made you extra appreciative for something that was actually up your alley. kind of like how devs used to weigh each byte of a game.

one last comparison; this one's a weird one but we used to have two-hour long chapel sessions in the old elementary religious private schools every friday. they were.... honestly kind of boring (no gifted orators there, and bad hearing didn't help with comprehension; this was way before powerpoints or visual aids), but i remember basically training myself to be constantly occupied in the brain with even absolutely nothing to do but sit on uncomfortable metal chairs and stare. that, to me, is a gift in this vein- to be happily occupied with so little in the hands.

idk just things i'm trying to intentionally lean in the direction of, especially these days (given how it feels like the whole internet is doing the opposite...). sometimes it feels like aggressively swimming against the current but the friction itself kinda feels good, weirdly. 

the most predictable thing about a new linux is slowly working through the three fiddy thousand mini bugs with updates/config diving

and then the last one or two stubborn bugs you simply learn to muscle-memory work around like a missing stair until you genuinely forget (and you get another linux and go through the whole process again)

(this is said with much love by a linux lover but lmao <3 )

(anyway, apologies if i've been absent, main laptop's fan broke and will be AWOL for a month so i've been breaking in the backup one. it's been something i've been meaning to do but, sigh.)

pros of being in a server full of geopolitical wonks: able to ask congress critters candid questions. suspiciously well connected dank glowie shitposts. ("better HUMINT than some actual countries" suspicious). probably the one place i still feel like you can seriously/semi-anonymously debate with no hurt feelings/much like the chans of old. for somebody who likes to sit in a room full of people much smarter than myself and learn from them, paradise.

cons of being in a server full of geopolitical wonks: occasionally have to remind them the average american struggles to remember the founding date of the country much less isn't going to be able to plot out the legal/geopolitical ramifications of a coup vs assassination.  very this one xkcd :p

“We often look to someone like Hildegard or to other great people throughout the ages as if what they have is not ours to have; we admire them, honor them, study them. We want to make use of them, and we allow them to consummate our inner light for us. We allow them to be the still point of our turning world. We feel incapable, yet the world wants to infuse us and to be infused by us. At that point no one can help us, not angels, not men, not Hildegard, not Jung, not Rilke. We cannot live securely in a world which is not our own, in a world which is interpreted for us by others. An interpreted world is not a home. Part of the terror is to take back our own listening, to put our ears to our own inner voices, to see our own light, which is our birthright, and comes to us in silence.”

Elaine Bellezza, “Hildegard of Bingen, Warrior of Light,” Gnosis 21 (Fall 1991).

( grumpy thing about a recent trend )

on a slightly lighter note this reminds me the last time i was successfully flamebaited in 2022 with the phrase 'ok spyware doomer' by some snot nosed punk.  honestly i kinda respect how much they had my number with how much i was malding. ;P

what have i been up to lately ...

* gave a work talk yesterday to a group of creatives about my comic background, how i broke in with publishing, what i loved about it, why i left, and successfully working through burnout with the flavor of going back and making art for yourself and learning how things work for the fun of it. didn't give them the title of iron crown or doxxing details re: $thishandle, but was pretty candid with the behind the scenes details. i think it was needed; the q+a conversation after was very honest in a raw way since it was pretty obvious the majority of them were burnt out.

* continuing to give away a pretty massive chunk of old artbooks/books/zines; they'll pop up here on this ebay seller which is run by a friend. it's interesting doing this at the same time the above work talk happened; felt like finally letting go / saying goodbye to the (published) comic world and that era of my life without negative feelings.

* went through my music library (offline, on VLC lol) and for every artist i had with 10+ songs, I brought some stuff from them on bandcamp since i've heard that's one of the few platforms that give a generous cut to artists (much like itch.io did) now that I can actually afford to give back to artists. strong intentions to go back and do 5+ songs.

* new-home-and-move stuff is continuing to happen behind the scenes; the above two points is a part of that mental purge-and-organize mission I've been on. i know some people are almost traumatized by letting go of physical things, but it feels nice for me at least in the here and now; I'm ready to move into this next phase of life, and it's nice cleaning past detritus that i have no feelings for anymore. zen kind of year?

* continuing to lock in successfully on art projects like the telllus retouching project, a FE lethe/zihark R18 comic for an anthology (that eventually will be its own doujin in a few years), and other bits including my zihark selfship doujin. fell off the wagon a little with the july/august flare but firmly back on it now. all of them are long-ish projects but seeing real progress in terms of being almost done with a few of them (and more or less on time) makes me feel content ...

in a odd but not unwelcome way, i feel like i've... fixed my life? or at least major issues. (the odd part is saying this while the world's on fire.) i can't think of a period of my life in the past when there wasn't always at least one personal elephant in the room to have to deal with.

i think part of it too, is the flavor of trust between my immediate family and I has changed for the better since this past december when my mom was having her heart issues (thankfully since resolved; we're pretty sure that an ER injection when she sliced her hand was the root cause). just in terms of showing up and handling a crisis well - we've always had a strong relationship but it's nice being consistently part of planning the future with them as an adult versus a slightly more immature/lopsided parent-and-child relationship.

interesting feelings for sure.

"This is why I will always die on the hill of defending yearning, even in its clumsy, excessive, or misdirected forms. To want is to be porous to the world and to ache is to admit that life still has its hooks in you. Desire embarrasses us sometimes, God yes, but it also animates us, cracks us open and remakes us."

- in defence of yearning