(no subject)

the thing i'm struggling most with the "sudden forced month(?) probably going to be more like a week and a half b/c i'll cave of not drawing so the wrist/RSI heals"

is i have to physically restrain myself from looking at other art (especially art that makes me want to draw, which is most of it) because otherwise i get this. near physical ache. omnipresent craving? spiritual itching?
'krad you're just that thirsty to draw gunter again'
'okay listen, you're not wrong, that's a part of it BUT IS NOT THE POINT LOL'

the standalone 24/7 craving to draw is bad enough, but it's this unexpected notion of genuinely having to avoid Art in general that's wow! kind of ... that feeling when you blink and look down a cliff, you know? that solid ground isn't so solid?

even in the middle of the cataracts business that was a) very gradual b) i somehow just. forced through drawings through sheer force of will, lol. they were bad but i could still doodle as the act of self soothing. (also guess who has round 2 of the cataracts to possibly deal with lol)

i'm channeling a lot of this stress energy into the slowburn fic and anthology edits which is. not horrible, both needed to get done and it's good timing, but i never realized how much i used drawing these days as an emotional crutch which is a little humbling.