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Feb. 10th, 2026 11:23 pmi blew a gasket at somebody irl today and actually got outright yell-y partially to make a point (no real worries tho - it was mostly if not entirely justifiable, they even said 'i'd be just as mad about it at you if the roles were reversed', it was out of care re: their safety, we made up with no real feelings hurt, etc)
but it was kinda .... nice? to realize in hindsight/during it that 'oh huh i can actually be that intense on demand. neat. socking that away when i need it.'
especially considering i'm like ... usually on the other end of deadened emotions and/or the living embodiment of the placid pleasant ^_^ face 99.9% of the time. (honestly extreme emotions are annoying to me because they actively take so much energy and i can't stand the shakes afterwards, usually i'm like... why. literally what's the point when they're not an Useful action. not entirely healthy, i know, working on that, and am actually much better than where i was even five years ago.)
even funnier since this very morning several managers/bosses were talking about how they've literally never seen me annoyed much less mad at work and how of anyone i embodied 'be positive' (l o l).
but it was kinda .... nice? to realize in hindsight/during it that 'oh huh i can actually be that intense on demand. neat. socking that away when i need it.'
especially considering i'm like ... usually on the other end of deadened emotions and/or the living embodiment of the placid pleasant ^_^ face 99.9% of the time. (honestly extreme emotions are annoying to me because they actively take so much energy and i can't stand the shakes afterwards, usually i'm like... why. literally what's the point when they're not an Useful action. not entirely healthy, i know, working on that, and am actually much better than where i was even five years ago.)
even funnier since this very morning several managers/bosses were talking about how they've literally never seen me annoyed much less mad at work and how of anyone i embodied 'be positive' (l o l).
