kradeelav | (no subject)

i have a whole weird essay rattling around in the head about finally getting the ‘why’ I started writing IC (-and also consistently project out the wazoo on very Specific™ character archetypes)

and it boils down to ‘stories where said character literally isn’t supposed to exist - whether their very existence defy a social or moral taboo or some other shit’

(or you know, a whole cast of them)

it’s not necessarily … ~*needing moar representation of [XXXX]*~ ~~(lol good luck of that ever happening~~) - but it’s almost the more extreme, visceral, violent stage of that.

with the taboo bit, especially - because there’s still those grey areas where ethics and representation mesh that suddenly get weirdly complicated fast. and you have not-isolated instances of, you know, existing and shit and yet being told pretty literally ‘you don’t belong here because your augmented/”fixed” existence is in direct odds with our goals despite [literally living with same (and more) traumas as the group]“.

tangentially: (‘what are you?’ ah yes being asked that by a kiddo was fun. i don’t blame the kiddo, i don’t even blame the parent who was understandably mortified, kids say weird shit. that’s just society talking in an odd moment of clarity.)

another version: “Medically this isn’t (/you aren’t).. supposed to be possible.”

death by a thousand cuts where you’ve been burned so many times by group dynamics (it’s always groups, oddly. and yeah, progressive ones too) that hold their hand out for ~everyone~ but disclaimer it with [*on our terms] and [*edges sanded down]. Moral codes that don’t leave room for choices made in the name of survival that taint things all the way down. That don’t leave room for understanding legacies or why running from those is a good idea sometimes. moral codes that don’t leave room for anything tainted, really. aberrations.

that’s the taboo part.

and the only answer to that, i’ve found - is to flip the table on humanity and walk away from that very silly game of justifying your existence.

you learn to take it back, in other words. (there is no other option.)