a (rough) artist's statement
May. 12th, 2022 04:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kradeelavI read the phrase 'malignant creativity' the other day in relation to an article last week, and it's stuck with me since. (also read the words "erotic irony" in the same lunch break, that was a fun hour to go down rabbit holes of phrases.)
malignant creativity
(malignant to whom? who decides, what is the moral judgement decided off on? can creativity be malignant? can it be reclaimed? how does it grow and change with each generation? does it steal just as much as it creates? who consistently attempts to destroy art? where is their headspace at, and how to tweak it to annoy them more?)
these are the instant kind of questions the words spark in my mind, as well as an immediate recognition of, oh, here's a prime candidate for the next ten-years catchphrase of stamping out any art deemed "harmful" and here is a splendidly catchy phrase to claim first and run away with (laughing all the way).
I.
i'm reminded one of one of the first memories of being really invested in drawing (some massive star wars eu mercenary clash / battlefield) - and being caught in the act and questioned as to why I wanted to draw such a violent thing. was sat on the side of the bed, questioned in the tone of Don't Do The Bad Thing Again (it isn't appropriate for a little girl!). Between the natural fear of a child faced with disapproval there was also a sense of - confusion? there were always these odd little blanks where commands did not line up with logic.
(I kept drawing in secret in that world for a number of years, anyway. even RP'ing a much worse man -or two, one was a rapist- a decade later in college.)
the second time I was told to stop drawing/(something) was "all of those long haired anime characters". mind, I do want to preserve nuance and to say this was "partially" because there was a sense that wee!krad was fully on the anime obsession train and could stand to care a little more about artistic styles - there's deep knowledge to be found in art and design history of every decade let alone regions of the world, and it's not an uncommon thing for high schoolers to have to grapple with.
but.
but - there was still a strand of unease of pressing up against a pane of glass in terms of ... understood traditionalism. appropriate to draw this, not that, as a wordless language, and something needed to be corrected, by the authorities. certain shows and media were still not kosher (are still not) - by sheer dint of its medium let alone its content. if hellsing were to be literally burned on a pile here in the south due to "satanic messaging and symbols" just as any problematique 2000's dubcon BL by a fujoshi were on twitter as what happens every week on twitter ... I would not be surprised. there are things one learns very early on to keep hidden, and to keep browser histories clean.
(regardless, as you may suspect, wee!krad kept on drawing in secret rather rebelliously, given my entire handle is still pretty much about those same ol' violent twinks and bishies that I was once warned off of. :P)
little wonder then, by the time kink-artist harassers became a thing, that I started noticing a pattern of being especially invested in drawing A Thing specifically when somebody said not to. every time somebody close was harassed there was a noticeable spike in fire behind what was being created at the time.
(I credit a similar urge in manifesting the more curious, kinder parts of myself - of continuing to scratch at that itch of ignorance until it bled and bled into a powerful searching for answers, even when it was painful, especially when it was messy.)
II.
using 'subversive' and even 'degenerate' creativity as phrases to describe my work never quite felt like they had the same active punch or were anything but a slightly ill-fitting suit. I like my kink art, don't get me wrong, but trying to leverage that corpus as the high-brow artistic statement to "all" of it is just wrong. i contain multitudes, as the line goes.
subversive" feels active but timid, and while "degenerate" is a stronger punch with a sense of biting vicious reclaiming - it slides off of my fan-work in confusion. not all of my fan- or even personal- work is a socio-political statement, nor would I want it to be. drawing vau and sephiroth is not a statement. drawing zihark is not a statement.
"villainfucker" is far closer, if anything, since there's a tounge-in-cheek indie fan-(counter)-culture vibe to the words; just at home at ao3's explicit tag or shitposting #horny on main for villains and likewise hangin' the same piece at a gallery. but even ultimately that word's still not- there. "villainfucker" describes a gaze still a little too narrow, both in the desire and the culture pools it references off of, and most importantly the - why.
Why do I create art? what's the common thread to truly-all of the pieces, not just clusters of them?
there are somewhat more-obvious clues in the clusters; like the feeling of drawing out of irritation whenever canon-of-a-media or an existing idea disappointing and I can easily think of a better execution. my recent work with zines (autobio zines, even) is a perfect 1:1 call-and-answer to that desire.
the work with my muse is from a different headspace of ... connection? inner-work of that and peace without stillness, inaction. creative work with a more intimate, softer edge than some of the other "louder" more intentionally sleazy pieces (but with one nonetheless). a place of no-judgement. playing with transformative work and fiction invites, surprisingly, the deepest judgements of them all.
,
but again, the problem remains, what connects them?
III.
my natural state of mind is very much absence.
a being at a state of rest, stillness, lethargy, (laziness, even) - inaction. entropy at its worst. a mind of dreams, content to wander those worlds without lifting a finger.
creation is work, an additive, creation is not natural to my desires. I have to want it, will and action it into existence for many sustained hours more than I am satisfied by a mental picture that in some ways can be more satisfying than life.
(there's no pain in a dreamworld, and it is addictive for that reason alone.)
it takes a special kind of irritation of sorts, a will to power - for that sustained spark. a reason for art and creative work to exist in this world instead of the dream-world.
i'm left with the observation, coming back and back again that it's that friction-spark, of somewhere, somebody disapproving of the final piece that wills it into existence. more than disapproval, really, a sense of wanting that created art to un-exist for the sheer immorality of it all. there have been many historical trickster-saints of artists, who draw with laughs (and sorrows) in the corner of their eyes, at the risk of imprisonment, death, exile should their work be linked to them. people respond strangely and strongly to art.
malignant is one of those funny words that brings volumes with it - there's medical baggage (there always is, there's a surprising number of deep veins of not-normal-equals-bad that run through our very language itself. where better to untangle it than through art?) ... there's the morality baggage (malevolent .... to whom?)
is it no surprise that one could find a creative home in that word, in the sheer irony of it all?
malignant creativity
(malignant to whom? who decides, what is the moral judgement decided off on? can creativity be malignant? can it be reclaimed? how does it grow and change with each generation? does it steal just as much as it creates? who consistently attempts to destroy art? where is their headspace at, and how to tweak it to annoy them more?)
these are the instant kind of questions the words spark in my mind, as well as an immediate recognition of, oh, here's a prime candidate for the next ten-years catchphrase of stamping out any art deemed "harmful" and here is a splendidly catchy phrase to claim first and run away with (laughing all the way).
I.
i'm reminded one of one of the first memories of being really invested in drawing (some massive star wars eu mercenary clash / battlefield) - and being caught in the act and questioned as to why I wanted to draw such a violent thing. was sat on the side of the bed, questioned in the tone of Don't Do The Bad Thing Again (it isn't appropriate for a little girl!). Between the natural fear of a child faced with disapproval there was also a sense of - confusion? there were always these odd little blanks where commands did not line up with logic.
(I kept drawing in secret in that world for a number of years, anyway. even RP'ing a much worse man -or two, one was a rapist- a decade later in college.)
the second time I was told to stop drawing/(something) was "all of those long haired anime characters". mind, I do want to preserve nuance and to say this was "partially" because there was a sense that wee!krad was fully on the anime obsession train and could stand to care a little more about artistic styles - there's deep knowledge to be found in art and design history of every decade let alone regions of the world, and it's not an uncommon thing for high schoolers to have to grapple with.
but.
but - there was still a strand of unease of pressing up against a pane of glass in terms of ... understood traditionalism. appropriate to draw this, not that, as a wordless language, and something needed to be corrected, by the authorities. certain shows and media were still not kosher (are still not) - by sheer dint of its medium let alone its content. if hellsing were to be literally burned on a pile here in the south due to "satanic messaging and symbols" just as any problematique 2000's dubcon BL by a fujoshi were on twitter as what happens every week on twitter ... I would not be surprised. there are things one learns very early on to keep hidden, and to keep browser histories clean.
(regardless, as you may suspect, wee!krad kept on drawing in secret rather rebelliously, given my entire handle is still pretty much about those same ol' violent twinks and bishies that I was once warned off of. :P)
little wonder then, by the time kink-artist harassers became a thing, that I started noticing a pattern of being especially invested in drawing A Thing specifically when somebody said not to. every time somebody close was harassed there was a noticeable spike in fire behind what was being created at the time.
(I credit a similar urge in manifesting the more curious, kinder parts of myself - of continuing to scratch at that itch of ignorance until it bled and bled into a powerful searching for answers, even when it was painful, especially when it was messy.)
II.
using 'subversive' and even 'degenerate' creativity as phrases to describe my work never quite felt like they had the same active punch or were anything but a slightly ill-fitting suit. I like my kink art, don't get me wrong, but trying to leverage that corpus as the high-brow artistic statement to "all" of it is just wrong. i contain multitudes, as the line goes.
subversive" feels active but timid, and while "degenerate" is a stronger punch with a sense of biting vicious reclaiming - it slides off of my fan-work in confusion. not all of my fan- or even personal- work is a socio-political statement, nor would I want it to be. drawing vau and sephiroth is not a statement. drawing zihark is not a statement.
"villainfucker" is far closer, if anything, since there's a tounge-in-cheek indie fan-(counter)-culture vibe to the words; just at home at ao3's explicit tag or shitposting #horny on main for villains and likewise hangin' the same piece at a gallery. but even ultimately that word's still not- there. "villainfucker" describes a gaze still a little too narrow, both in the desire and the culture pools it references off of, and most importantly the - why.
Why do I create art? what's the common thread to truly-all of the pieces, not just clusters of them?
there are somewhat more-obvious clues in the clusters; like the feeling of drawing out of irritation whenever canon-of-a-media or an existing idea disappointing and I can easily think of a better execution. my recent work with zines (autobio zines, even) is a perfect 1:1 call-and-answer to that desire.
the work with my muse is from a different headspace of ... connection? inner-work of that and peace without stillness, inaction. creative work with a more intimate, softer edge than some of the other "louder" more intentionally sleazy pieces (but with one nonetheless). a place of no-judgement. playing with transformative work and fiction invites, surprisingly, the deepest judgements of them all.
,
but again, the problem remains, what connects them?
III.
my natural state of mind is very much absence.
a being at a state of rest, stillness, lethargy, (laziness, even) - inaction. entropy at its worst. a mind of dreams, content to wander those worlds without lifting a finger.
creation is work, an additive, creation is not natural to my desires. I have to want it, will and action it into existence for many sustained hours more than I am satisfied by a mental picture that in some ways can be more satisfying than life.
(there's no pain in a dreamworld, and it is addictive for that reason alone.)
it takes a special kind of irritation of sorts, a will to power - for that sustained spark. a reason for art and creative work to exist in this world instead of the dream-world.
i'm left with the observation, coming back and back again that it's that friction-spark, of somewhere, somebody disapproving of the final piece that wills it into existence. more than disapproval, really, a sense of wanting that created art to un-exist for the sheer immorality of it all. there have been many historical trickster-saints of artists, who draw with laughs (and sorrows) in the corner of their eyes, at the risk of imprisonment, death, exile should their work be linked to them. people respond strangely and strongly to art.
malignant is one of those funny words that brings volumes with it - there's medical baggage (there always is, there's a surprising number of deep veins of not-normal-equals-bad that run through our very language itself. where better to untangle it than through art?) ... there's the morality baggage (malevolent .... to whom?)
is it no surprise that one could find a creative home in that word, in the sheer irony of it all?
(no subject)
Date: 2022-05-13 02:29 pm (UTC)I have thought about this subject matter myself. Not in connection with "malignant creativity" which I have not heard of before now. Although...for me...malignant brings forth a definition of: more death, leading to death. Rather than evil.
HR Giger, perhaps? Although the argument for Giger = Evil can and has been made...
Emil Melmoth? Again, same.
I do get a ton of criticism about my photographic work with the human skull in my possession...
So, definitely, death-themed art causes consternation.
Leaning on young artists in regard to subject matter perceived as untoward IS a thing. And maybe the reason we don't see a lot of disconcerting imagery today. We are so intent on micromanaging every single aspect of childhood and young adulthood. The fact that you survived such pressure is impressive.
I'm obviously mulling this over in thought bites, but wanted to leave a comment to let you know I read this. It's so well-written and provoking.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-05-21 07:40 pm (UTC)Would love to hear your thoughts at some point/when you have bandwidth on death-themed art since it looks like you've mused on that in your works as well. I wonder ... some people are truly unsettled by considering oblivion so nakedly and closely. Sometimes it feels like large swaths of society have forgotten the healthy version of memento mori. no life without death, no death without life and all that.
To your other points .... part of me wonders if the increased connection between art/("content") as capitalism has also really been a factor in the marked decrease in unsettling or taboo art. i consider myself somewhat lucky in being one of the last generations before social media algorithms well and truly took over, so it's been a little ... dismaying, to see the same-ness in tone there.
(Thank you as always for the thoughtful comments in return!)
(no subject)
Date: 2022-05-14 12:00 am (UTC)Your artistic process is a very different sort of experience from mine (more focus on catharsis and communication) but if you'll allow me to geek out a bit, I feel like the Florence + The Machine album, Dance Fever that came out today might also touch on some similar ideas. It came from a combo of the front runner reading up on "dancing plagues" from Medieval Europe and then the experience of COVID cutting off her ability to perform. There's a through-line of this tension between wanting n a life of domesticity and peace vs passion and chaos, and in the end the record comes down on the side of choosing to "dance myself to death" rather than give up art.
Don't know if they'd be your thing musically, but just an interesting connection I thought you might enjoy
(no subject)
Date: 2022-05-21 08:17 pm (UTC)that is SO cool to hear about the Dance Fever trivia, always in awe of musicians having such cool concepts for albums and how that translates into individual stories where there's almost a narrative, but not exactly - it's a "mood". Will give it a whirl tonight when drawing, thank you. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2022-05-14 10:06 am (UTC)And then--
This, this is just. Chef's kiss. I can't help but latch onto this.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-05-21 07:33 pm (UTC)thank you!