kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (head full of holes)
[personal profile] kradeelav

a-paradox-box:

belligerentpants:

Iron Bull’s expression when he turns to the Inquisitor for orders on whether or not to save the Chargers

in case any of you were curious

Okay, I’ve wanted to say this for a while and I am sleep deprived enough to say it. I get so angry when people blame Bull for “betraying” the inquisitor.

I work in disability services, and the people I work with have been part of the system for the majority of their lives in one way or another. Since before they can remember they’ve had most of their decisions made for them, whether it be their medical needs, their food choices, the clothes their wear, their daily schedules, etc. And yeah, some of that is based on necessity. However when you have spent your entire life having someone else choose what happens to you rather than directing the course of your life, you lose the ability to make self autonomous decisions.

Last week I had a twenty minute conversation with a man I work with about whether he wanted one crumpet or two because I was stupid enough to say ‘Are you sure you’re going to fit in two crumpets?’. I then had to explain that no, I was not telling him he couldn’t have two crumpets, I was just asking whether he felt like one or two crumpets, he could have the number of crumpets he want, I can’t tell him how many crumpets he’s allowed to eat, it’s his own damn breakfast he can have whatever the hell he wants, and if he wanted two have to crumpets he should just say to me “Shove it lady, I can have as many crumpets as I damn-well please”, just like anyone else would if someone tried to police their God-given right to crumpet intake.

And while he was laughing at the end of the conversation for the majority of it, he was looking at me with this sad, guarded expression trying to figure out how many crumpets I wanted him to have. Because that’s something he’s had to do for so long. It hasn’t been about him making choices. It’s been about him figuring out the choice other people want him to make, and then agreeing.

Twenty minutes. About freaking crumpets.

Look at Bull up there. Tell me you don’t know what decision he wants you to make? Is there honestly any ambiguity? But Bull has been part of the Qun his whole life. He literally sees himself as their tool, and tools don’t get a choice in how they are used. Bull, at this point, in the game does not have any experience in personal autonomy. He may push the barriers. He may play in the spaces that are fuzzy around the edges. But defy a direct order? He doesn’t have the capacity. For all his intelligence- logical, interpersonal, linguistic, kinaesthetic - he has never developed this basic living skill, and that is exactly they way the Qun likes it.

If you side with the Qun, you remove all chance Bull will ever have to develop that capacity. You reinforce the idea that you do whatever the Qun asks of you. And two years later, of course the Bull is going to side with the Qun over you. Not out of revenge. Not because he was always planning to. Not because that is his job.

But because he literally can’t chose anything else.

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