(no subject)

[kradeelav]

happy 20k on this gunter x fcorrin slowburn to me ~ :)

by far the longest fic i've ever written, and all in the last two weeks to boot. feels nice!

if you want to read excerpts, they're being posted on the gunter quarantine tumblr, just so people don't get tired of me screeching about one ossan everywhere. trying to be courteous. :P

largest posted fic I've written topped at about, hm, 8k? (ghost in the dunes). (now technically i wrote a 40k screenplay of proto-iron-crown way back in collage about 15 years ago, but that was so long ago and so rough I'm not sure it counts. likewise with some zihark self insert fanfics I hand-wrote even earlier in middle-school with spiral-ring notebooks during class via those glitter pens. (yeah I'm old, and also very predictable lol))

was mentioning elsewhere to somebody that the ship is .... wall to wall littered with every major content warning lol, but it's probably the first time i've written from the heart with complete ... naked honesty. it is messy, man. there is affection, yeah, but i'm not shying away from the dead dove inherent in the whole 'caretaker of her as a literal child to lovers' dynamic. (I'm also lowkey trying to ignore the side of me suddenly interested in really, really fucked up walter / lolitegs as a similar vibe in my other major fandom >_> )

idek just into dirty old men wanking it and being pathetic rn!

i half joke but, being specific, one real big connecting theme of the above and the slowburn is - the shame inherent in sexuality. i really think shame/vulnerability is underutilized for some deeply upsetting but meaningful work.

and to be blunt, i personally can't imagine sexual desire without *some* flavor of shame, so to finally be able to - feel how to portray it in fanwork (even if it's totally different as an axis) - is cathartic as hell. i've touched on it before in artwork, very lightly, but not so 'balls to the wall being bzzzt-ed by the live wire' in terms of crawling into a headspace and hammering whole, deeply vulnerable scenes of it out.

anyway i'm expecting it to end in the 60-80k range, plus illustrations; hoping to focus on getting the Northern Fortress arc solid first so i can start posting this within the month, but I'm not going to force anything as long as words are getting written.