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Dec. 9th, 2023 06:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kradeelavsurprised at how much i actually enjoy doing comics when it's not original characters :o
i wonder how much my mental block with original characters stems from like.... that low key resentment of that pressure. do not try to make me give a shit about something lmao. i wish i was different but my brain is just broken.
like it alwayyyyyys feels like there's a passive pressure to do originuhhhhl stuff (barf) when you're past a certian technical/quality level. because other people start looking at your work and outright say 'why are you wasting your time with fanart'. when i just honestly wanna be silly with fanart. it's not for selling or conventions or whatever cuz god knows i go full cray cray obsession over the absolute LEAST popular characters lmao.
but like i feel like i *can* be as silly and horny or whatever with fanart especially shit like self insert stuff because you "know""" nobody else but you actually gives a shit. it's marketing-proof. but when it comes to original characters there's a sense of o no it must be ur brand. or you must be marketing them For Something. (and like. i know that's not Actually. the case. but it takes effort to make oc's that feel cohesive/up to my standards of being interested in them at all. because why give a shit. and if i'm going to spend that kind of effort than it just brings in all kinds of other pressure.)
and at this point creative wise i only want to spend sincere effort on (a) dayjob shit that brings in a buttload of dollars for a tiny amount of effort, and (b) stuff i actually genuinely enjoy. it's gotta be in one of those two buckets.
with fanart in the second bucket it's like [points at new blorbo] mine now, let me chew on you like a doggy bone contentedly lol, you know what i mean? 0 initial investment, lots of creative reward. i am simply Too Tired to use brain cells elsewhere.
(...plus i feel like the actual meaningful storytelling shit you can slip in between being semi-intentionally a horny cuckoo ditz makes the sincere stuff hit that much harder.)
i wonder how much my mental block with original characters stems from like.... that low key resentment of that pressure. do not try to make me give a shit about something lmao. i wish i was different but my brain is just broken.
like it alwayyyyyys feels like there's a passive pressure to do originuhhhhl stuff (barf) when you're past a certian technical/quality level. because other people start looking at your work and outright say 'why are you wasting your time with fanart'. when i just honestly wanna be silly with fanart. it's not for selling or conventions or whatever cuz god knows i go full cray cray obsession over the absolute LEAST popular characters lmao.
but like i feel like i *can* be as silly and horny or whatever with fanart especially shit like self insert stuff because you "know""" nobody else but you actually gives a shit. it's marketing-proof. but when it comes to original characters there's a sense of o no it must be ur brand. or you must be marketing them For Something. (and like. i know that's not Actually. the case. but it takes effort to make oc's that feel cohesive/up to my standards of being interested in them at all. because why give a shit. and if i'm going to spend that kind of effort than it just brings in all kinds of other pressure.)
and at this point creative wise i only want to spend sincere effort on (a) dayjob shit that brings in a buttload of dollars for a tiny amount of effort, and (b) stuff i actually genuinely enjoy. it's gotta be in one of those two buckets.
with fanart in the second bucket it's like [points at new blorbo] mine now, let me chew on you like a doggy bone contentedly lol, you know what i mean? 0 initial investment, lots of creative reward. i am simply Too Tired to use brain cells elsewhere.
(...plus i feel like the actual meaningful storytelling shit you can slip in between being semi-intentionally a horny cuckoo ditz makes the sincere stuff hit that much harder.)
