(no subject)

[kradeelav]

that time of year... resolutions!

so this year was mixed.

• move out v2, for real this time - didn't happen. the long and short of it is that moving's a bit more complex when your body requires caregiving of the medical variety and your standard nursing homes aren't an option (for obvious age reasons)(though i actually did explore that early summer and it was just. complicated logistics. also expensive as fuck.) it's one of those things i'm hm... annoyed by in that detached 'it takes too much energy to have feelings about this so i'm either going to work at it or ignore it until i see an opportunity/angle to dig in' ways.
• set up gaming emulation library, and start playing! - so funny story, i did get the emulation library going, and FE: Fates was the first game played, and holy shit did i not play a single goddamn other game, haha. i think i replayed all of two days in portal but this was certinally the year of Fates. genuinely had so, so much fun and Gunter zoomed up to sit comfortably at the literal second favorite character of all time position. this is going to sound a little maudlin but this game and that character reminded me what it was like to genuinely fall head over heels for a story again. I forgot what it was like being moved by a story for more than two weeks. unironically the most important thing that happened this year. staying up to finish revelation for the first time at 3am to have my mind broken in half <3
• set up pi-hole - didn't happen, but not that fussed about.
• finish What Greater Sin (hellsing zine) - i'm going to swap this out with "finish your ruin my ruin" since i'm less fussed about which project and more concerned with "finished any massive project", to which, 120k of words feels like it counts. and you know, that was a fuck load of work but i am so, so glad to have written that amount in this stage in life; it taught me a hell of a lot about endurance/self discipline, about genuinely baring my soul and id in a lot of scenes in writing stuff i would have been way too terrified to even just a year ago, and it taught me a lot of cool things about the technical nuts and bolts about how words and scenes go together with something that's longer than 2k.  also needed.
• finish 2 other existing zines / art projects - yup, did a bunch of exchanges (nagamas, arcade), gifts, experimented with comms, and overall got insanely fast with art. drew something like ~550 pieces/screenshots which is a new record; helped partly with the eye surgeries done, and also partly just because gunter broke my mind that much lol. genuinely saw myself level up with art.
• start the reading list again now that my eyes are back - completely flopped on this. i think half of it was my glasses prescription i got at the beginning of the year was slightly off and it's *just* enough of friction to throw me off as well as focusing on the fic the second half of the year. luckily i intend on getting another pair at the beginning of next year given insurance pays for part of it.
• keep journaling consistently for the 2nd year in a row - kinda, yeah, sure. it's amusing since the before/after of writing journal lengths went from "page a day, consistently" to "skipping three days at a time, a single sentence sometimes" right when i started writing the fic, haha. I never knew before this year how much time fic writing took up. zero regrets writing YRMR but my god i will be so happy to get actual time to socialize and do basic upkeep again.
• redo the dayjob portfolio / resume - also didn't happen, but not that fussed about again. did work on some sweet new dajob projects to stick in. dayjob itself was... boring, treading water other than mentoring a bit. definitely could be worse but i want to change it up next year.

• make a point to figure out socializing in a way that makes you happy - i've got complicated feelings on People (being a misanthrope and just. not good with keeping up with connections) and i want to see if there's a happy middle that doesn't leave me completely drained but also doesn't leave others dissapointed.
• branch out a bit in what you put your eyeballs on - honestly i don't care if it's either the gaming emulation library or the reading library;  replaying fates is fun but dear lord let's actually get those mitts on some other stuff again. watch labryinth. finish farscape, watch crash and those 80's movies you've always wanted to see.
• genuinely break your comfort zone in art - i've gotten really good at inking but every now and then i'll find an artist that is always truly experimenting re: programs, shapes, mediums and still has their voice and i like that vibe. let me eat it. work in heavypaint alone for two months. etc.
• learn something cool oriented with tech - lots of choices with pi-hole, the flipper, linux stuff. i was on the linux-learning warpath last year and while that was a bit much i'd like to lean back into it.
• finish one big doujin project - regardless if it's WGS/KE/or the gunter one. live the dream of 2009 krad, man.
• live in different places - not necessarily explicitly "move out" but like. even if it's just lurking in different corners of the web. i'm getting that twitchy feeling again like certian sites are becoming too rote, too routine.
• mentor somebody (in a significant way) - kinda did this this year, want to do more. you can't go wrong with passing the torch on.
• keep on goin' with the basic upkeep - journaling (maybe work a little harder with it?), portfolio/resume, keeping the inbox zero, getting a raise would be lovely.

anyway a lot of ~ do stuff different ~ hahaha. here's hoping.