(no subject)
Dec. 7th, 2025 05:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kradeelavcrossposted fire emblem selfship meta from tumblr, see this post for context if none of those words mean anything to ya.
selfship-au wise i still really think zihark intended to genuinely not get involved romantically again ever. all of that tragedy is still inside of ten years - the grief is still blindingly fresh at times, even the concept of no strings-sex is deeply distasteful to him for different reasons. 'a betrayal' is somewhat a cliche but damn if it doesn't feel like it at times for people in the same situation.
(but i also think he's the kind of man who is just a few years shy of realizing he's the type of person that really does need lifelong companionship; some people are fine without a romantic partner, but there's definitely some people that do need it; given how it all so strongly affected him i'm inclined to think he's one of those.)
but i think the acceptance of it actually hits him when he lets bright eyes join him for a graveside visit when they're in daein after micaiah frees it from begnion (in p1).
(she remembers the date from back in path of radiance; he didn't intend to tell her anything but it's almost blurted out when he's having a bad time on one of the yearly anniversaries of his old lover's death and he's in a weak spot and frankly, lonely, down in a bottle (quite unusually) to numb everything and things slip instead. she doesn't judge.
but in RD, when he realizes bright eyes actually remembers the date a full three years later and cares enough to lightly check in with him.... he on the spot asks if she wants to come along with him.
and after that day, it's that sense of - in that trust of knowing, that comfortably warm no-space between them where there's shared weight of messy pasts but no judgement...
i think that's the first time the concept of loving again, that great vulnerability, doesn't seem quite so bad.
selfship-au wise i still really think zihark intended to genuinely not get involved romantically again ever. all of that tragedy is still inside of ten years - the grief is still blindingly fresh at times, even the concept of no strings-sex is deeply distasteful to him for different reasons. 'a betrayal' is somewhat a cliche but damn if it doesn't feel like it at times for people in the same situation.
(but i also think he's the kind of man who is just a few years shy of realizing he's the type of person that really does need lifelong companionship; some people are fine without a romantic partner, but there's definitely some people that do need it; given how it all so strongly affected him i'm inclined to think he's one of those.)
but i think the acceptance of it actually hits him when he lets bright eyes join him for a graveside visit when they're in daein after micaiah frees it from begnion (in p1).
(she remembers the date from back in path of radiance; he didn't intend to tell her anything but it's almost blurted out when he's having a bad time on one of the yearly anniversaries of his old lover's death and he's in a weak spot and frankly, lonely, down in a bottle (quite unusually) to numb everything and things slip instead. she doesn't judge.
but in RD, when he realizes bright eyes actually remembers the date a full three years later and cares enough to lightly check in with him.... he on the spot asks if she wants to come along with him.
and after that day, it's that sense of - in that trust of knowing, that comfortably warm no-space between them where there's shared weight of messy pasts but no judgement...
i think that's the first time the concept of loving again, that great vulnerability, doesn't seem quite so bad.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-12-08 12:29 am (UTC)>> zihark intended to genuinely not get involved romantically again ever
the tone of it is so... sad, to me, like, you've mentioned before how much loss he's dealt with, so, I mean, I can sure see it, why set oneself up to lose so much again. and yet, he needs that companionship... a terrifying wager, tbh. but this one sure did pay off for y'all ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2025-12-09 03:38 am (UTC)think it's also the sense of wanting to sidestep intense feelings, you know? maybe it's the pisces feeling but wanting to completely detach oneself from strongly negative emotions (to the point of successfully doing it ... but at great cost lol) - that temptation would be huge for him.
takes a bit for him to find there's a third path, compared to suffering or lethargy.