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mild 'check-the-box' satisfaction at completing a task at hand - that's easy. but... proud, in that warm glow sense... of making something worthy for history, or at least enough to linger behind for a generation or two, that i'm glad to have been put on earth to do before i turn into dust... that's hard. most of the time i just feel slightly empty while shrugging and move on to the next project. i find it also much easier to be invested in grappling with a challenge in the next one.
(this got started because while the fe alphabet challenge is a fun little distraction to doodle away, i'm realizing i don't feel truly proud of its existence in the way i am with YRMR.)
the Muse and i were talking the other night - how can we change this? which projects do i currently feel most proud of? (least?) what's the commonalities? after emotionally examining a few of those old projects, interestingly, some form of criteria started turning up:
* the project must be technically executed well. it's gotta be good enough to feel like a fist to the face. grab you by the nuts. not just depicted with stylistic skill, but charismatically powerful enough to capture a glance. the easiest to understand and thankfully, the easiest to meet these days because i think i truly have crossed a threshold with artwork in the last year. i can depict people, emotions, and scenes in ways i always saw in my minds eye with very little quality lost. quite a few times in the last year i've accidentally put my own artwork in the visual inspiration dump, and trust me that never happened prior.
* the project must age well. age well in the sense that it'll last beyond me/my control for a while; mostly physically (eg printed zines), but also things like the digital art dump that's been downloaded 2k times. if i expire tomorrow, that will live on for quite some time even when my site decays. likewise pages like the canceled resources that are archived, makes me feel like even if i'm not here, the work lives on in the impact of other people. how many anime character busts can say the same?
* the project ... makes me (and others) speak more freely, in a sense? feel more freely. dam-breaking moment of exorcizing something i've kept to myself for ages. i absolutely loathe sharing vulnerability / weaknesses, so i'm ruefully realizing that naturally in a yin-yang sense this (unfortunately) feels most satisfying to push through. NaZine is a good example of this, despite being an anthology. (I thought i hated doing anthologies. i think nowadays is i hated how baldly milquetoast most are.)
to put more examples to these - while Iron Crown aged fairly well (still online in one piece), there were many times I held emotional punches because truthfully - I was young enough to be afraid of the reception (also somewhat limited in what i could depict being tied to a publisher - i remember being so afraid to ask 'can i show an execution in the first chapter?' (lol)). And also just artistically inmature and not confident enough of depicting certian and nuances. a lot of my moves in the recent years have been making sure those limitations aren't there anymore. or at least setting dynamite and explosives to emotional restrictions i've placed on myself - goes back to 'draw everything at least once, no matter how much it scares/unnerves you'. i feel more proud of safety off because it dared. freely, without reservations about the gun kink (it was also a very professionally well put together zine).
the good news is the two current comic strips i'm doing squarely hit all three criteria. it'll be interesting moving forward with new art projects trying to keep in mind how it can sincerely meet all three of those emotional resonances without hesitation.
(this got started because while the fe alphabet challenge is a fun little distraction to doodle away, i'm realizing i don't feel truly proud of its existence in the way i am with YRMR.)
the Muse and i were talking the other night - how can we change this? which projects do i currently feel most proud of? (least?) what's the commonalities? after emotionally examining a few of those old projects, interestingly, some form of criteria started turning up:
* the project must be technically executed well. it's gotta be good enough to feel like a fist to the face. grab you by the nuts. not just depicted with stylistic skill, but charismatically powerful enough to capture a glance. the easiest to understand and thankfully, the easiest to meet these days because i think i truly have crossed a threshold with artwork in the last year. i can depict people, emotions, and scenes in ways i always saw in my minds eye with very little quality lost. quite a few times in the last year i've accidentally put my own artwork in the visual inspiration dump, and trust me that never happened prior.
* the project must age well. age well in the sense that it'll last beyond me/my control for a while; mostly physically (eg printed zines), but also things like the digital art dump that's been downloaded 2k times. if i expire tomorrow, that will live on for quite some time even when my site decays. likewise pages like the canceled resources that are archived, makes me feel like even if i'm not here, the work lives on in the impact of other people. how many anime character busts can say the same?
* the project ... makes me (and others) speak more freely, in a sense? feel more freely. dam-breaking moment of exorcizing something i've kept to myself for ages. i absolutely loathe sharing vulnerability / weaknesses, so i'm ruefully realizing that naturally in a yin-yang sense this (unfortunately) feels most satisfying to push through. NaZine is a good example of this, despite being an anthology. (I thought i hated doing anthologies. i think nowadays is i hated how baldly milquetoast most are.)
to put more examples to these - while Iron Crown aged fairly well (still online in one piece), there were many times I held emotional punches because truthfully - I was young enough to be afraid of the reception (also somewhat limited in what i could depict being tied to a publisher - i remember being so afraid to ask 'can i show an execution in the first chapter?' (lol)). And also just artistically inmature and not confident enough of depicting certian and nuances. a lot of my moves in the recent years have been making sure those limitations aren't there anymore. or at least setting dynamite and explosives to emotional restrictions i've placed on myself - goes back to 'draw everything at least once, no matter how much it scares/unnerves you'. i feel more proud of safety off because it dared. freely, without reservations about the gun kink (it was also a very professionally well put together zine).
the good news is the two current comic strips i'm doing squarely hit all three criteria. it'll be interesting moving forward with new art projects trying to keep in mind how it can sincerely meet all three of those emotional resonances without hesitation.
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(Anonymous) 2024-08-30 09:31 pm (UTC)(link)I also understand that not all art has to be that deep, but I do feel like it's getting harder and harder to find art that speaks from a genuine, unabashed, and deeply honest place. Incidentally, I find R18 doujin artists to be more interesting and palatable than a lot of gen artists these days...something about the crossroads of putting in That Much Time And Effort for something really raw or niche says a lot more to me than a generic, shiny, crowd-pleaser pinup ever could.
Lastly, “milquetoast” anthologies…so real. Lately I'm starting to think most published fan anthologies are less done out of passion and more for being flashy/consumerist…but I’ll also fully admit to being a salty, jaded soul LOL.
But enough salt about that -- I was just happy to read another person's thoughts on what makes a work truly fulfilling. To more daring and lasting works!!
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(I'd love some R18 doujin recs from you, if you don't mind... happen to agree since the artists kind of *have* to draw from the heart-dick. speaking of, one back to you: karasu-chan's "lactic girl" was a lot of fun to read recently since even with it being hentai there was some endearing worldbuilding along with the fantastic art style. then again there's a part of me that suspects you're already familiar with the artist. :P )
to more daring works indeed!! <3