kradeelav: Mordecai, FE9 (sleepyboi)
i had a thought this evening in the car while driving to the grandparents about the subtleties of building things that are resilient ... the first instinct is building things as strong as in unbreakable or not durable, or not-fragile, right. flexible maybe.

but looking at the trees near the highway and how fiendishly resilient nature is - one of its powers is the ability to grow back easily. a forest actually needing a forest fire to grow back. a human body being incredibly good at healing wounds with scars (that's basically growing new tissues until it knows when to quit).

and that's something... rare to find in the online or creative circles? once a link breaks (as a smaller example) or a site goes down it breaks. so many indieweb discussions thoughtfully point that out.

one of my projects that feels more resilient than others is that giant zip art dump (of all art from 2011 to 2020 with a small bit of context). if i die or my site goes down, said art will still exist across.... 700+ computers. there is honestly a good chance that that one zipped file will outlast every other piece i do, save for maybe some physical books and doujinshi, by sheer breadth of machines, since the types of people that download zipped dumps have a non-zero interest in archiving things well. (okay that's wild to think about. the last time i'm thought about on this tiny pale blue dot of a planet, via that file.)

i would even argue that a book - while incredibly more durable than most digital files - is still only a single copy. a file copied across hundreds of machines feels like the type of "growing back" like i mentioned above where a single person could copy it at will, say, re-uploading to an artist's library in the future.

i think somebody somewhere said physical preservation is the art of keeping things in one place/stable, and digital preservation is the art of moving things (from computer to computer as old technology depreciates). what if we leaned into that.

moving as an act of growing back after destruction.
(but then how to keep context from flaking off imperfectly or being fragmented.... much to consider.)
kradeelav: Zihark, FE10 (fe)
i saw a cute tellius shipping meme recently but realized pretty quickly after filling out a few tiers that i would receive the stank eye from most of the fandom for highly unorthodox tastes. :P parking this here instead of other SNS sites since i trust y'all quite a bit more; tellius peeps feel free to gank ~

anyway, here's the list. beware for dead dove. )
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)

> The team has been so bad that for several days the Orioles subreddit began to talk only about the actual Baltimore Oriole bird and not the baseball team.

via 404 media

oh my god new tier of fandom salt unlocked, tumblr could never loloolol
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
i think what i'm viscerally enjoying about project moral mazes (yes i've named it already lol) so far

is like

just how much it's ripping up what (current/engagement bait/etc) stories should be

> the edgiest unserious /r/ncd mixed with 2008 dA humor possible but somehow literally lives and breathes on too much nuance that it's going to be a massive turnoff to people who want simple-ass character sides to root for
> hosted on a skimpy ass html website with no promotion
> uggo ass animation-line style style for maximum SPEED (so i don't get burnt out like i did on ic)
> literal villain protagonist isekai mary sue lol
> with theeeee most (to mass media) unappealing protagonist design possible (but i wuv <3)
> genuinely horrifying psychological war crime /body horror shit a la ajin
> chapter titles based off of business self help books lol (to further dissect each as well)
> unapologetically based off of fanon

i'm honestly lowkey designing this comic project to be as unappealing as possible to everyone except me who has lowkey rotated this story in my mind in some degree for shit, ten years?

it's all the guilty pleasure topics i was honestly too young/too chickenshit to deal with when i was posting ic. i don't blame myself for not digging into deeper themes with that old comic or tapping out, at all - but it was somehow an experience that i'm glad to have and yet completely soured me from making original stories for this long lol. part of tapping out was just finally giving up on what i kept feeling like it "should" be by too many parties. (publisher, invisible audiences/trends of that day, specifically because that comic's doomed revenue source was essentially ad money). honestly i should have known that story was stillborn when i was tying myself in knots on several dimensions trying to figure out how to portray a literal execution in the prologue in a tasteful way when i found said problematic executioner kinda hot in a completely perpendicular way to "what i was trying to say" (eg, dictators are bad) with the story lol.

wheras this is... intrinsically going to be non-monetizable in the most aggressively annoying way possible. i finally feel like i can let 'er rip like i did with your ruin, my ruin where you could really tell the author wrote that shit entirely dick-first with zero hesitations lol

FINALLY!!! i don't have to hold myself back!!


kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
mfw i just farted out three pages of this isekai strip just now..........

this is going to be the edgiest funnest shit ever :D

god it's almost like this is the proto-story i've been trying to draw all these years. knuckling into the messiest shit with the most un-serious premise ever.
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
half seriously considering doing a dumb isekai comic with absolutely zero promotion/mentions/art/whatever posted on social media, just a few files slowly uploaded on html pages via the site.....................

god.

i could draw whatever. no bullshit pressure about when to update or if the humor didn't land/or was hetalia-tier off kilter. no fucking pressure about it being origihhnul (*twitch*) or marketable or serious or anything..... (aka everything i loathed about webcomics lol)

ok this got started after me laughing my ass off while reading "The Gunner's Life of a Middle-aged Man Summoned to Another World and Armed with a Rifle", remembering my own 'what if unholy brand/marketing manager krad isekai'd into fire emblem' idea and then thinking '.........that would kind of fuck actually' considering a few of my special interests literally being about the history of propaganda and the isekai being an interesting deconstruction of said marketing ethics without getting into too many wiggy irl incidents since propaganda is more associated with this world than a fantasy world.)

also villain protagonist with half a conscience. and a kickass design. and bishies. jfc i want to see this.

idk rotating this in my mind?
i honestly think half the appeal is how stupid isekais are XD there's no pressure to be quality!!!! 
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
"Many parents, in fact, report that the worst-case scenario is not when your whole family is ill but when the adults are miserable and the under-six cohort feels just fine.

Old hands at this situation have plenty of advice for first-timers, all of which boils down to this: lower your standards as far as possible without inviting a visit from Child Protective Services. Lock the doors, unplug the appliances, and leave the children to their own devices—a phrase that didn’t used to have technological overtones, but if there were ever a time to waive your no-screens policy, along with all your other policies, this is it. Your six-year-old wants to watch “Night of the Living Dead”? Go for it. Your four-year-old wants to eat ice cream on a hotdog bun? Sure thing. Together they want to finger-paint the toddler? Have fun. As for you: keep an ear out for genuine screams and excessive silence. Change dirty diapers and intervene in activities that would result in calling 911. Otherwise, divide and conquer with any available grownup and rest as much as you can."


- welcome to the preschool plague years

hilarious, real, and endearing article. i currently work at a place with a disproportionate number of parents to young kids/focus on toddlers, and ohmigod this is so true.
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
thinking about uhhh Society lately made me remember this morbidly funny story:

i was back in middle school history class, one of those vaguely moderate evangelical slash southern baptist college preparatory schools. (i say moderate since in all honesty they did an okay job allowing dissenting thoughts; it wasn't like critical thinking was completely squashed out although it wasn't entirely encouraged.) and i think the history class topic of the day was on ye classic ww2/nazi/etc topics where the teacher was subtly trying to get the class to see how easily it was to fall into the 'get rid of the degenerates' arguments by kind of baiting them with the "reasonable" lines of arguments (and then at the end pointing it out why that was dangerous in a complexity appropriate for middle schoolers).

(another piece of necessary context is i'm pretty glaringly physically disabled, and even back then nazis were kinda a Special Interest for proto-kink and 'yeah i need to know this shizz' reasons, so i could see where the teacher was going a mile ahead of most of the students.)

the teacher had opened the floor to a wider debate and one of the kiddos was starting to get too close to verbally agreeing blindly with said 'getting rid of le degenerates/etc' line of thinking. (it was kinda awkwardly sandwiched with the cultural hubhub of the abortion debate back in the 00's because again this is a southern baptist school but personally i would argue it's a useful lesson to learn in a historical context even if some of the wires were crossed.) 

and the details are sketchy but i think the kiddo was on the specific track of 'sure aborting/killing certian disabled folks makes sense if x y z-' even if obviously he wasn't explicitly saying that word for word.

the teacher and i exchanged A Look as the kid kept going on ('lol you know where i'm going with this. dunk the kiddo')

and i kind of. saucily just raised my hand without saying a word.

like heyyy, you do know you're talking about me with that line of argument. :D

i have never heard a kid go dead silent that fast lol.

(that said, i really didn't get any malicious vibes from the dude (i was well liked or at least neutral with very literally everyone) - total dumbass 'oh shit i didn't think about how that would actually. include a real person i know. oh fuck.' teenage ignorance of the kind we've all had before. but the kiddo was pretty quiet for the rest of the class.

.... anyway my thought these days is i hope i didn't scar the kid too much with mortified embarrassment lol. not the worst lesson to learn (eg 'think real hard about the consequences of policy decisions') but i think these days i'd make sure he knew i knew it wasn't personal.
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
imma start calling art zines "clips" so i can manufacture the world's most evil lulzy parallel "magazines vs clips" discourse specifically to fuck with /k/ neets and indie comics circles :Dc


kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)

military folks have anime catgirl stickers on their hardware, krad has whatever .... this is.

#sultry looking trading card man harem displayed like family photos? :P
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
Sapiens was one of those books i read during the road trip a few weeks ago.

funnily enough i picked up that book because two people who i respect (who are on the most opposite political ends of the spectrum imaginable lol) absolutely loathed it for very different reasons, and another person i respect recommended it to begin with.

'omg' krad thought. 'i have got to see what this shizz is about'

i kinda get the extreme reactions from everyone though?

Read more... )
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
"Along with specialization and delimitation of skills, we would tend to say that the two other practitioners of Bruno's magic, the actual magi­cian and the prophet, have now vanished. More probably, however, they have simply been camouflaged in sober and legal guises, the ana­lyst being one of them and, after all, not the most important. Nowadays the magician busies himself with public relations, propaganda, market research, sociological surveys, publicity, information, counterinforma­tion and misinformation, censorship, espionage, and even cryptogra­phy—a science which in the sixteenth century was a branch of magic."
- Eros and Magic

(dope thesis even if the book almost requires you to read it in a fever dream haze lol)

kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
what have i been up to lately.....

* was kinda stressed earlier this week between layoffs and an eye acting funky again with a bunch of floaters and minor stress flashing. i'm pretty sure it's just the vitreous humor doing it's thing (regional specialist told me not to worry about floaters since all this junk is super common after cataracts surgery. i got elderly-aah eyes.). unFORTUANTLY, "flashes in eye" symptoms can mean both "nbd, eyeball's just stressed, rest it" to "get your ass to the fancy hospital in 24 hours" depending on which symptoms it's paired with. fuck eyes lol. anyway rest assured i'm keeping an eye (har har) on it.

* my elden ring DLC started crashing a lot randomly so as part of the debugging (i wish the steam deck had an easy to access debug tool), i uninstalled and re-installed the whole game. accidentally wiped my ~5hrs progress playing the DLC so far. x) thank goodness it didn't touch base-game saves, and that it *was* only a handful of hours. extremely annoying but not enough to turn me off entirely. media wise also still enjoying the hell out of gundam 0083, got three more episodes left. trying to space them out.

* in more "jesus krad stop deleting random shit" news i accidentally deleted my [wallet name] portfolio site while migrating to a new host lol. i'm not too bothered by this considering i had intended to redo it anyway and it's being done right this time. pure html/css baybee. kinda depressing looking at other art director's portfolio sites for inspiration and seeing the trends and seeing such a stark division between 'old dogs who put their exact copy of their dated project up and clearly don't know how to bullshit' versus 'new bullshitters a little too comfortable with bullshitting (and also comfortably employed in tech)'. TWO of whom are old coworkers using my old projects on their sites lol, lmao.  also lowkey building this new portfolio site with the mindset of 'your current job will be going under in the next 60 days' and taking a work-hour every day to build it up. if i'm wrong, yay, still got a cool portfolio site that'll age gracefully for the next 5 years. if i'm right, well, i'm prepared?

* positive: had an amazing just-like-old-times chat recently with my old art-director-turned-minion-working-for-me. learned some juicy as hell gossip about our dear leader CEO. popcorn_emoji. i've also been uhhh. schmoozing up to said dude in vague ways. negative: 101-year old grandmother looks to be in the final downturn with health so fully expecting funeral/estate/etc arranging stuff soon.

* still working on the doujin, set for release in june. extremely glad i don't have any other ongoing art projects/obligations other than that and some NaZine II spot illustrations for a dear friend, and frankly the doujin can be "whenever". kinda recently restructured a lot of "kradeelav" handle stuff so i can fuck off for days if not weeks on end and that .... was well timed.
kradeelav: Alucard, Hellsing (oh well)
my dad is extremely stubborn at the best of times but i am so glad he listens to me with tech shit specifically since he has an iphone..... 5...... (released in 2012 i think. phone might be older than some internet users :P) and has been procrastinating on upgrading it for the last year lol

and last night i said 'hey. either you upgrade it this week, or in two years since supply chains are about to get FUBAR'd. pick one."

.... long story short, we have an appointment for friday lol
kradeelav: McLeach, Rescuers Down Under (heh)
started thirst/loveblogging gundam 0083 on tumblr, crossposting here since it really should go here lol.

episode 1: watching gundam 0083 and wrow all the older officers are dilfs (#hi synapse.........#pretty damn good uniform porn for a shlocky tv series i'm down)

episode 3: 
  • mora and nina are such. lesbians. omg. i GOT to see if there's fanworks of them.
  • lt. burning is my fave followed closely by mora <3 god he gave such gunter vibes chiding the two young ace pups in strategy... i was so relieved he didn't die in that one mission. T_T (he's so gonna die later though. i just. smell it. if i, krad, likes a character they're gonna have a bad time. i'm sorry sir.)

edit: just look at him. god he's hot. injured dilf blorbo with a chin that goes on for miles <3

  • this shouldn't even have to be said but i'm pleasantly surprised at how many brown folks you see across the gamut in all kinds of level of authority/main-character-ness for an anime released in 1991.... and is totally nonchalant about it. punches way above its weight compared to most shows today.
  • also pleased you don't really have to "be there" for the mechas, the people (complication of the new pilots and the tensions on the base) and sociopolitical stuff (feds vs zeons) hinting is meaty enough.
  • lol at the evergreen "I'M THE ENEMY IDIOT' line :D
#after scouring mora and burning's tags: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S /NO FANWORKS/????????????????????#where's my burning fancam???? lesbian thirstrap amv's for mora????

episode 3, lt. burning thirst addendum, between some cima photosets: 

he's soOoooooooooOoOooooOoo ...................cute......................... <3 <3

#he's just so refreshingly SOLID and genuinely kind with reason and actually teaches sensible things to the kiddos#and yet he's not afraid to chew kou tf out i love it. i'm smitten. i need to nurse this baby bird back. (he's so hot with that jacket)#i must have authority issues (y'all: we know.)#Lieutenant South Burning#i NEED to draw him.#i need to sink my teeth in him. very normal reactions to a side character i know.
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
i know it's an unpopular opinion in these circles but i really miss the old pervert bro (usually a bro, sometimes a chick) archetype in anime. feels practically extinct in modern shows.

there's so many in gundam 0083 and i love them all even when they're objectively annoying and or lowkey are sexual harassers lol. usually the egregious ones get karmic payback or a whole arc of 'knock it off' learning from the school of hard knocks.

blah blah blah debate about noble perverts vs romanticizing blah blah blah.

just. shut it here for once. i miss them!!! as a chick! gasp! frankly i relate way more to these sleazeballs than the main cast. no i don't make a point of harassing people (why do i even have to say this), but i miss the sense that your basic ass human meatbag lust and skirt/dick/bits/etc chasing is a normal thing.


kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
The future is a branching tree of possible outcomes. I keep myself sane by watching all branches, not just fixating on the ones most shrouded in darkness. If a light branch is pruned, I focus on what remains. If a dark branch falls away, I rejoice. I also keep in mind that the tree of time is infinite: there are no leaves, only branches that multiply endlessly into a foggy sky.

- (a gem from the ex-/k/ server)
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
I AM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg i love the world again <3

good god that head cold haunting me for the last week and a half kicked my ass. normally i can power through colds in two days but not this one! anyway WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TO:

* had a fun out-of-state roadtrip where i got the fucker of a cold to begin with lmao. met cool oldest friends, ate cool food, didn't even bring my laptop and did a bunch of reading in the car. old friends have been popping out of the woodwork recently so i've been trying to consciously schedule in some reoccurring bits of time so i don't loose contact again.

* read a few long as hell books, one of which i'll do a review (sapiens). it feels so LOVELY to finally have my reading stamina back online after all of the eye cataracts issues of the last 3 years. these days if i catch myself visiting a social media site more than once a day i'll (try to) redirect that attention to a book. good habit!

* starting to watch gundam 0083 (stardust memories) to rest my wrist in between drawing and unexpectedly really enjoying it - great uniform porn on hot dilfs, actually funny, great animation, kickass fights, can't ask for more. kind of funny watching it after i rewatched neon genesis evangelion last week and comparing how mecha shows have evolved.

* so fucking close to finishing my gunter/corrin doujinshi!!!!! i've been powering through cleanups this past week since i couldn't think for shit but i could still hold a pen and connect lines together. on track for the june release date since there's a ton of boring book pre-prep work i have to do first that doesn't technically count as drawing. what's neat about this last comic strip is that -among other artistic technical things- it's been teaching me an incredible amount of discipline to stay drawing it and see it to the end. i honestly didn't think i'd get that back after iron crown :v so it's nice to have that back too.

right now i'm right at the tail end of a few big projects wrapping up so it's just this pervasive itchy sense of wanting to FINISH things with the satisfaction of checking them off. woooooooo
kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
me: some of these kids are either so smart or so dumb with fictional censorship and stuff. that said i have sympathy for the latter considering i too was an idiot back then. i probably said some censory shit back before i got comfortable with kinks.
me: ... though i was always some kind of dead dove edgelord
me: hmm what was i doing at age 19.... [thinks]
me: ......
me: l o l rp'ing crack hilarity as a fictional rapist (tor vizla, star wars eu)

not the most tasteful thing i ever did to be sure, but i had loads of fun with a select group. :P it was a different internet. it makes me think how i've always thought of myself with a mind of a tumblrer but the heart of a channer.

kradeelav: Satou, Ajin (Satou)
 one of these days i want to write one of those annoying think pieces called "the 'it's not fuckin worth it' calculation: and why it's ruining the internet"

(something something calculation of [time it takes to make a creation] x [perceived edginess of the thing in proportion to certian circles] x [chance it has to go violently viral in a bad way] x [amount of actual care of the author has towards their audiences] = is it or is it not Fucking Worth it to make the thing)

don't get me wrong i am entirely guilty of not making a thing or two based off the calculation. it's just. annoying. how often even "I" still run through that pretty much every day after deliberately trying to shed externalities that might bite me in the butt.

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